Tag Archive for 'religion'

Poem: I Am Full

Published on February 19, 2010 in Emotions, Love, Poetry and Trust. 2 Comments Tags: .

No thank you to sunrises and sunsets.
Offer to another the peaceful sound of waves over stones.
And feed the masses cake and cookies for
I am full.
I am full.

Let strings and wind instruments lull you to sleep.
Let clouds form your dreams and fireflies deliver your wishes.
Walk your walk down cobble stone paths hand in hand with satisfaction
And take for yourself a full goblet of aged red wine for
I have sung my song, and I have walked
I have walked each step with stillness of heart
And found strength in the light of Your gaze.

Friday, February 19, 2010 – 2:17am EST
Copyright 2010 © F. Magdalene Austin All rights reserved

Blog Catalog Thinks I’m Evil

Published on November 8, 2009 in For the Record. 0 Comments Tags: .

I wanted to see what my art site score is on Blog Catalog. To my surprise it was 66.6.

666

Boy, it’s a good thing I’m not superstitious and that I understand what the number 666 means. If I didn’t I might have some serious issues with my current standing on Blog Catalog.

FYI – To understand why the number 666 is used you have to understand 3 different numbers. The number 3 is used in the Bible to show emphasis. The number 7 in the Bible signifies perfection. The number 6 signifies falling short of God’s perfection and grace. So, in order to emphasize how much someone has fallen short of God’s glory and perfection you’d use the number six, three times. That’s the long and short of it.

Maybe Blog Catalog thinks the art site is evil. I don’t know. LOL

The Convent- My Search for Knowledge

Published on October 28, 2009 in Abuse, Female Sadist and Therapy. 0 Comments Tags: .

Honorable by F. Magdalene AustinIn therapy today we talked about the fall and how when I grabbed the curtains it snapped the rod in half. I’d forgotten the curtain rod up there was actually a dowel rod with carved end pieces and not a metal rod. When I saw it on the floor I left it there because I didn’t want to touch it. It’s thickness was the type my mother preferred to use on our hands and our back. I didn’t want to touch it but I knew if I left it there any longer someone would get hurt. The cat might play with it or the dog so I went ahead and picked it up. I mentioned to Dr. D that for quite a while my mother wasn’t the only one beating the palms of my hands. I did after all go to Catholic school as a child. The nuns were cruel in that they pulled students by their ears, by their pinched shoulder or smacked the palms of our hands with a ruler.

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Spiritual Rubble, A Dream

Published on July 28, 2009 in Dreams and Relationships. 1 Comment Tags: .

The dream started out with me on the roof of a 21 story building, the same building I lived in before I moved here with Barney Fife. I was facing the sun as I painted on the roof top. The sky was clear, the wind was calm, by all appearances it was a nice day. Then from behind there was a rumble. A huge cloud of dust rolled up and consumed the building. The ground began to shake and the building collapsed under me. As I fell into the rubble I thought to myself, I could have avoided this death but I totally ignored the warning signs. The emergency siren had been blaring for nearly a half hour but I tuned it out. It had gone off before and nothing was wrong. I had grown accustomed to hearing the alarm cry wolf and thought nothing of it. I just went on about my day, my activities until it was too late.

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“I’m Not Smart”

Published on May 20, 2009 in Mental Health, Soapbox and Therapy. 5 Comments Tags: .

When I showed Dr. D the recent painting of the figure holding his hands in the air with hearts in it he said it sort of reminded him of a crucifixion. This prompted Renea (our little 9 year old Bible scholar) to pop out and give him details on the inaccuracy of the word crucifixion. He then asked a few questions: Was religion important to your mother? How important was it to you? What church did you belong to while growing up?  Why did you add hearts to the hands in your art piece?

Instead of telling him about our families religious affiliations Renea began telling him about different people I/we find inspiring. The Apostle Peter, Paul, Moses, King Josiah, etc. We talked about Constantine, the Roman Empire, the differences in the Hebrew Scriptures and the Christian Greek Scriptures. We talked about the culture of Ancient Israel as well as age appropriate behaviors of the apostles. Most of the session was spent with Renea talking  while Dr. D listened. Once this 9 year old gets on a roll with Bible history it’s hard to get her to stop. It’s her favorite subject. She told him how she read the Bible from cover to cover in a year and that she liked being able to identify people and their lineage, their profession, their personality traits, trials, failures and ultimately the success or failure of their life. There was a point to it all which was related to the question about the art piece but because Bible history is her favorite subject she took the long way to answer the question, why did we add hearts to the hands.

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In Your Arms

Published on January 29, 2009 in Abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, Letters Home, PTSD and Relationships. 4 Comments Tags: .

There’s someplace I want to go very badly. I want to walk in the building and sit there by myself. I miss it so much it hurts. I don’t want to go there smelling like I do or being what I am. It’s not even the building; it’s what’s inside that I need.

It feels like everything I eat makes me hungrier and every thing I see around me makes me blind. I don’t want this for myself. I want the person back who was not burdened with guilt so much so she couldn’t look Him in the eye and speak.

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Session Review – Religion

Published on November 13, 2007 in Morton's Pride, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments Tags: .

Talked about hyper-vigilance and trust issues fueling hyper-vigilance. No Robert today which was interesting. He asked why we were hugging the pillow. We told him it was to feel more hidden. Talked about hiding with long sleeve shirts and about 3 reasons for wearing a hat all the time – style (← I so got that), to hide and as a sign of guilt. Head coverings in the Bible often represent a person’s humble recognition of sinfulness. He asked what I have to repent of. Oh, I don’t know being a smoking, cussing lesbian I guess. This lead to talk of religious connections growing up. La Regla Lucumi/ La Santeria, Wicca and Catholicism. I stressed that I’m not connected to any of those. It was quite confusing to him I guess why it is our family would be into that. If you toss in the grandfather’s heritage along with their love for all things Hispanic the connection to La Santeria becomes obvious. That sounds bad I know.

We talked about 2 out of the three taboo subjects – race and religion. I suppose Wednesday we’ll talk about politics. Unlike MacBlue he wasn’t anywhere close to offensive. He wondered why our family was so interested in Spain and its religions which lead to background info on familial heritage. Asked what race we consider ourselves. If you ask my grandfather he’d say West/Central African, from what use to be called Zaire. If you ask anyone else in my family they’d say, “What the hell kinda question is that?” I told him I say I’m black, it’s quite simple. I don’t have a lick of Spanish blood in me but the family sure loved that country and spent a heck of a lot of time there. They mostly loved the land and didn’t get too much into locals other than the religion we spoke of. He asked if it scared me as a child, if I participated in rituals. Nope. I sure didn’t.

It was a lighter session than usual. How on earth could that be light? Well, compared to other sessions it was light. After the session we went out to see if our favorite little guy was in the waiting room. He was in session so I didn’t get to see him. His father asked why I didn’t have Captain Crunch with us. He’s basically retired we told him. I offered to trade Captain for their newborn. I got to hold the little guy’s newborn sister and feed her. She’s so precious. She looked all of 3 inches and one ounce the last time I saw her so I didn’t hold her but today I did cause now she’s like 5 inches, 2 ounces…tiny, tiny, tiny.

I got in the cab to come home. While driving home a bus broke down causing a back up on the highway ramp. We sat there for twenty minutes until people started backing up. I shot a photo from the window and did an art piece with it called On The Bridge.

Goals: dinner, trash, watch Spiderman 3 again. I ♥ that movie, gotta get all 3.
Completed goals: raked leaves, walked the dog

Joan
Session Review Religion
Monday, November 12, 2007-11:07PM EST

***comments are close*** ***the reason comments are closed for session review entries is because the notes are specifically for Pride members. It makes it easier for us to come and read our notes without the complication of comments. When we come and look at our therapy notes we want to be able to focus on the notes and not the comments. It’s not that we want to keep people from responding if they so desire we just need to simplify an already high emotional situation. I hope that makes sense. Feel free to comment via email. For simplicities sake I need to close comments on therapy review entries. Our address can be found on the side bar under contact me.***