Tag Archive for 'religion'

Dear you with the sad heart

Published on May 10, 2011 in Abuse, Depression, Emotions, Fear, Letters Home, PTSD and Secrets and Confessions. 2 Comments Tags: .

Dear Mother,

I see your hands when I look down. I see your feet. I see your face when I look in the mirror and I’m okay with it. I hear your voice call me stupid, tell me to shut up, sit down, bow down. I hear your voice remind me that I’m here for one thing only. I feel a heavy sadness on my shoulders as if they can no longer bare your scrutiny. I’m not okay with this. I need your harsh words to break my spirit because I fear I may one day believe I’m worthy of anything then publicly get proven wrong. How could I ever allow myself to fall for the idea of self worth and set myself up for public humiliation? Ah, Faith thought she was equal. Faith thought she was human, she thought she was one of us. What a fool.

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Private Island

Published on April 13, 2011 in Relationships and Stupid People. 2 Comments Tags: , .

Junior: If I’m ever super rich I’m going to buy and island and live on it and forget all the motherfuckers around me.

Me: If you buy and island and live alone, who will you blame your problems on?

I sometimes have very little patience for this man. What I said to him above was said after a good long rant/rave session about his hatred for religion. I have no idea why but today was his day to rant about Mormons and the Amish. The Amish? Seriously? What did they ever do to you and how could a group of Amish people and their dealings turn you against God? Man, you have issues. I get why he’s upset with Mormons but it doesn’t mean he needs to hate all bicycle riding guys in blue suits. Give me a break. You don’t know those people from jack! No man, good or bad, can take away my belief in my Creator. I also have no need to force anyone to believe as I do or think as I do so why is it that he, an atheist, insists upon shoving his hatred down my throat? Shoving hatred down my throat…. isn’t that what he accuses Christians of, shoving their beliefs down his throat? Funny how I never asked him jack crap about religion but it came up hot!

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Catholics in the Middle

Published on May 3, 2010 in Abuse. 3 Comments Tags: , , , .

This is something I was thinking about the other day when I saw the Pope on TV and when I saw several news reports on the subject of his speech. First off, let me say this entry is NOT about my belief about the guilt of the church. This entry is NOT about the crimes, the survivors, the priests or even religion. It’s about those caught in the middle and about what they must be feeling.

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Poem: I Am Full

Published on February 19, 2010 in Emotions, Love, Poetry and Trust. 2 Comments Tags: .

No thank you to sunrises and sunsets.
Offer to another the peaceful sound of waves over stones.
And feed the masses cake and cookies for
I am full.
I am full.

Let strings and wind instruments lull you to sleep.
Let clouds form your dreams and fireflies deliver your wishes.
Walk your walk down cobble stone paths hand in hand with satisfaction
And take for yourself a full goblet of aged red wine for
I have sung my song, and I have walked
I have walked each step with stillness of heart
And found strength in the light of Your gaze.

Friday, February 19, 2010 – 2:17am EST
Copyright 2010 © F. Magdalene Austin All rights reserved

Blog Catalog Thinks I’m Evil

Published on November 8, 2009 in For the Record. 0 Comments Tags: .

I wanted to see what my art site score is on Blog Catalog. To my surprise it was 66.6.

666

Boy, it’s a good thing I’m not superstitious and that I understand what the number 666 means. If I didn’t I might have some serious issues with my current standing on Blog Catalog.

FYI – To understand why the number 666 is used you have to understand 3 different numbers. The number 3 is used in the Bible to show emphasis. The number 7 in the Bible signifies perfection. The number 6 signifies falling short of God’s perfection and grace. So, in order to emphasize how much someone has fallen short of God’s glory and perfection you’d use the number six, three times. That’s the long and short of it.

Maybe Blog Catalog thinks the art site is evil. I don’t know. LOL

The Convent- My Search for Knowledge

Published on October 28, 2009 in Abuse, Female Sadist and Therapy. 0 Comments Tags: .

Honorable by F. Magdalene AustinIn therapy today we talked about the fall and how when I grabbed the curtains it snapped the rod in half. I’d forgotten the curtain rod up there was actually a dowel rod with carved end pieces and not a metal rod. When I saw it on the floor I left it there because I didn’t want to touch it. It’s thickness was the type my mother preferred to use on our hands and our back. I didn’t want to touch it but I knew if I left it there any longer someone would get hurt. The cat might play with it or the dog so I went ahead and picked it up. I mentioned to Dr. D that for quite a while my mother wasn’t the only one beating the palms of my hands. I did after all go to Catholic school as a child. The nuns were cruel in that they pulled students by their ears, by their pinched shoulder or smacked the palms of our hands with a ruler.

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Spiritual Rubble, A Dream

Published on July 28, 2009 in Dreams and Relationships. 1 Comment Tags: .

The dream started out with me on the roof of a 21 story building, the same building I lived in before I moved here with Barney Fife. I was facing the sun as I painted on the roof top. The sky was clear, the wind was calm, by all appearances it was a nice day. Then from behind there was a rumble. A huge cloud of dust rolled up and consumed the building. The ground began to shake and the building collapsed under me. As I fell into the rubble I thought to myself, I could have avoided this death but I totally ignored the warning signs. The emergency siren had been blaring for nearly a half hour but I tuned it out. It had gone off before and nothing was wrong. I had grown accustomed to hearing the alarm cry wolf and thought nothing of it. I just went on about my day, my activities until it was too late.

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