Tag Archive for 'religion'

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“I’m Not Smart”

Published on May 20, 2009 in Mental Health, Soapbox and Therapy. 5 Comments Tags: .

When I showed Dr. D the recent painting of the figure holding his hands in the air with hearts in it he said it sort of reminded him of a crucifixion. This prompted Renea (our little 9 year old Bible scholar) to pop out and give him details on the inaccuracy of the word crucifixion. He then asked a few questions: Was religion important to your mother? How important was it to you? What church did you belong to while growing up?  Why did you add hearts to the hands in your art piece?

Instead of telling him about our families religious affiliations Renea began telling him about different people I/we find inspiring. The Apostle Peter, Paul, Moses, King Josiah, etc. We talked about Constantine, the Roman Empire, the differences in the Hebrew Scriptures and the Christian Greek Scriptures. We talked about the culture of Ancient Israel as well as age appropriate behaviors of the apostles. Most of the session was spent with Renea talking  while Dr. D listened. Once this 9 year old gets on a roll with Bible history it’s hard to get her to stop. It’s her favorite subject. She told him how she read the Bible from cover to cover in a year and that she liked being able to identify people and their lineage, their profession, their personality traits, trials, failures and ultimately the success or failure of their life. There was a point to it all which was related to the question about the art piece but because Bible history is her favorite subject she took the long way to answer the question, why did we add hearts to the hands.

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In Your Arms

Published on January 29, 2009 in Abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, Letters Home, PTSD and Relationships. 4 Comments Tags: .

There’s someplace I want to go very badly. I want to walk in the building and sit there by myself. I miss it so much it hurts. I don’t want to go there smelling like I do or being what I am. It’s not even the building; it’s what’s inside that I need.

It feels like everything I eat makes me hungrier and every thing I see around me makes me blind. I don’t want this for myself. I want the person back who was not burdened with guilt so much so she couldn’t look Him in the eye and speak.

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Session Review – Religion

Published on November 13, 2007 in Morton's Pride, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments Tags: .

Talked about hyper-vigilance and trust issues fueling hyper-vigilance. No Robert today which was interesting. He asked why we were hugging the pillow. We told him it was to feel more hidden. Talked about hiding with long sleeve shirts and about 3 reasons for wearing a hat all the time – style (← I so got that), to hide and as a sign of guilt. Head coverings in the Bible often represent a person’s humble recognition of sinfulness. He asked what I have to repent of. Oh, I don’t know being a smoking, cussing lesbian I guess. This lead to talk of religious connections growing up. La Regla Lucumi/ La Santeria, Wicca and Catholicism. I stressed that I’m not connected to any of those. It was quite confusing to him I guess why it is our family would be into that. If you toss in the grandfather’s heritage along with their love for all things Hispanic the connection to La Santeria becomes obvious. That sounds bad I know.

We talked about 2 out of the three taboo subjects – race and religion. I suppose Wednesday we’ll talk about politics. Unlike MacBlue he wasn’t anywhere close to offensive. He wondered why our family was so interested in Spain and its religions which lead to background info on familial heritage. Asked what race we consider ourselves. If you ask my grandfather he’d say West/Central African, from what use to be called Zaire. If you ask anyone else in my family they’d say, “What the hell kinda question is that?” I told him I say I’m black, it’s quite simple. I don’t have a lick of Spanish blood in me but the family sure loved that country and spent a heck of a lot of time there. They mostly loved the land and didn’t get too much into locals other than the religion we spoke of. He asked if it scared me as a child, if I participated in rituals. Nope. I sure didn’t.

It was a lighter session than usual. How on earth could that be light? Well, compared to other sessions it was light. After the session we went out to see if our favorite little guy was in the waiting room. He was in session so I didn’t get to see him. His father asked why I didn’t have Captain Crunch with us. He’s basically retired we told him. I offered to trade Captain for their newborn. I got to hold the little guy’s newborn sister and feed her. She’s so precious. She looked all of 3 inches and one ounce the last time I saw her so I didn’t hold her but today I did cause now she’s like 5 inches, 2 ounces…tiny, tiny, tiny.

I got in the cab to come home. While driving home a bus broke down causing a back up on the highway ramp. We sat there for twenty minutes until people started backing up. I shot a photo from the window and did an art piece with it called On The Bridge.

Goals: dinner, trash, watch Spiderman 3 again. I ♥ that movie, gotta get all 3.
Completed goals: raked leaves, walked the dog

Joan
Session Review Religion
Monday, November 12, 2007-11:07PM EST

***comments are close*** ***the reason comments are closed for session review entries is because the notes are specifically for Pride members. It makes it easier for us to come and read our notes without the complication of comments. When we come and look at our therapy notes we want to be able to focus on the notes and not the comments. It’s not that we want to keep people from responding if they so desire we just need to simplify an already high emotional situation. I hope that makes sense. Feel free to comment via email. For simplicities sake I need to close comments on therapy review entries. Our address can be found on the side bar under contact me.***

Trust Issues and Fear

Published on August 25, 2007 in Abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Female Sadist, Mental Health, PTSD, Relationships and Therapy. 4 Comments Tags: .

There isn’t a person on the face of the earth I trust without question. There isn’t a person on the face of this earth that I feel so safe with that I’d turn around and be comfortable with them standing behind me. No matter how long I’ve known you or will know you, if you stand behind me I’ll move.

Months back when lying in bed talking and spooning I asked Blossom, “How can you stand for me to be behind you this way? You can’t see me.” She said, “Because I trust you.” She asked if I would be uncomfortable if she were behind me. I said, “Yes.” It kinda ruined the moment. She realized just how deep my trust issues are. Was it her I didn’t trust because it was her or because I’m me? It’s the latter. My lack of trust is pretty much blanket, all inclusive, there’s no one special person I trust less than others save my mother.

MacBlue asked if I feel safe with Barney Fife (my roommate). I told him, “I worry sometimes he’s going to come back and try to hurt me but being stronger than he is makes that a bad decision for him.” He’s an uncoordinated old man who requires a daily nap. I’m a strong 36 year old woman. Do the math. But the fear is there. Again, it’s a blanket kind of fear, all inclusive; no one is feared above another save my mother.

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