After reading Enola’s entry outlining the outrageous and baffling comments by a lawmaker, reasonable people could feel nothing less than sadness, despair and heart stopping fear for the degraded condition this society has settled itself into and gotten comfortable in. Her entry outlines a defense attorney’s horrific comments as he discusses child rape and the death penalty. The YouTube presentation is one that I personally will remember. His words are here: “I’m going to make sure that the rest of their life is ruined, that when they’re 8 years old, they throw up; when they’re 12 years old, they won’t sleep; when they’re 19 years old, they’ll have nightmares and they’ll never have a relationship with anybody.” Clearly he has never heard of the ideals behind the Decleration of the Rights of Children or it’s amendments. If he had any idea at all what it means to do the right thing he would have kept his mouth shut. If he had any listened to himself just once he would hear himself go against every single idea there is behind caring for and loving our children.
Tag Archive for 'sex offenders'
It’s not as if anyone ever gave us a choice before. It’s not as if our wishes, our needs and wants mattered one single bit. What happens in these situations where we think we should have done this or should have done that is we’ve taken responsibility in the very manner we were taught to. We were either outright told it was our fault or we were told that if we didn’t do it there would be major consequences to pay. Real options were not offered because the real concern was not you or me but the abuser and how he or she could continue perversions without interruption.
When I think about my cousin, the one called Wolf, I feel so horrible inside. You know why I didn’t tell way before it became painfully obvious? Because he said he loved me. The only person in the world that took it from me and told me he love me, told me he was addicted to me, couldn’t get enough was him. He loved me. I liked his stories, his jokes, his attention. I couldn’t tell on someone who loved me and someone I thought I had fallen in love with. There’s an odd story to tell. What would I say he did wrong? For me, trading the “I love you” and the funny stories and the jokes seemed like nothing compared to how my mother beat me before she took it, how my uncle put a gun to my head the whole time. I was scared of Wolf sometimes because of things he did to animals but if you ask some of me he never laid a violent hand on me. His respect, wow, I can’t believe I just typed that word, his respect evil attention turned from me to my sister and I was furious but not before severely humiliated by my mother and the rest of my family. One day when he called me down to the basement for more the family was quite irritated that I walked down there. Man was I in trouble. The whole ride home the mother said, “Everyone knew what you two were doing down there.” I was so humiliated. I thought, she knows I have a boyfriend. I wondered if she was going to take him away. You can see how confusing things get. Boyfriend? Hardly. My goodness, what else did I know but this type of service? They’d all been doing this to me since I was three. As Beauty said, “You get use to it.” But I have to add, you also understand deep inside that the choice to not “let them” was more costly than “letting them.” What other decision does a person make but to comply, especially when they’ve been conditioned to for so long?
When dealing with someone elses perversions at such a young age our brains are not given the right of passage untouched children are given. (That right of passage doesn’t come along until well in our healing years.) Our reasoning ability was based on their lies and their deceptions. What we concluded and still conclude about ourselves is based on information they gave us. How on earth would we ever paint a self portrait with anything other than guilt? If you are only given one crayon you can not paint a rainbow. Your options are limited. Our options were limited if at all.
These days, my adult days I find dealing with the abuse harder than dealing with it as a child. As a child I had limited resources, limited information and because of my age very little reasoning ability. As I grew older and saw more of the world that is when the deepest shame set it. That is when I realized just how wrong things were and when I really began to settle with the idea that it was all my fault.
As an adult I can draw upon this and that experience and conclude my childhood and early adulthood was riddled with abuse and I could have, should have done something to stop it. As a child all I could think about was that I was doing something wrong. I was dead set on finding it. I did internalize it but I was still motivated to find an answer. The same information about my abuse is available to me now, nothing more, nothing less but now it tires me, sometimes it cripples me. This is because as an adult I have much more reasoning ability. The problem is, I still reason with the lies and guilt forced upon me. And I take those lies and that guilt and compare them to this and that experience then conclude that I could have, should have done things differently. But really, I couldn’t have. I was a child. Even when I was physically no longer a child the will I had to make them stop was broken long ago. I had been crippled by fear so long ago.
Funny I should read the two entries tonight on this very subject. Tonight was another one of those nights I jumped out of the shower vomiting due to a flashback. I felt so stupid hanging over the sink like that. Argh! The anger was as strong as my retching. I couldn’t believe I’d still respond that way. But why wouldn’t I? We don’t just walk away from that and a few years later we’re free of their conditioning. It is their conditioning that makes us question ourselves and makes us blame ourselves. A good liar is one who can tell a lie, have the person listening know it’s a lie but still respond to the liar as if they were a truth telling saint. They were and are liars! They’re liars and they were such good teachers. Even after all these years we still fall back on early lessons about who we are, about self worth and ultimately about guilt.
However, there are days I hear the lies for what they are. When my soapy self is hanging over the sink throwing up because of a flashback I’m not just angry I’m moved to not give up. When I have days like this when stuff comes flooding back so fast I can’t seem to stop it my first reaction is anger but it’s the sort of anger that drives me to ensure that I become the woman I was supposed to be. They lied on me and to me. I want to yell to them, “It was your perversion then but it is my life now. I can not hear you.” Today I can not hear you. That silence is such a gift. “You can not do this to me anymore. I’m not that little girl anymore.” Oh it makes me so angry that I have to keep going, must keep going for me or I start feeling like that little girl again. I can’t be that little girl again.
You guys I get what you’re saying. Please get what I’m saying. What you’re asking yourselves, what I’ve asked myself is based on lies and deceit. Can you hear a voice that’s not lying to you and that has no gain if she were? It’s their fault. They lied, they deceived and they taught us all how to take it as truth. It is this which makes survivors ask, “What if I’d told sooner?” The blame is theirs, solely.
Austin
For Beauty, Enola and survivors like us.
This Perversion Does Not Belong To Me-Saturday, December 01, 2007-4:27PM EST
It makes me sad. Sometimes I resent the whole I’m going to therapy thing especially when the cousin comes up. We talked about the cousin and about the lack of male influence growing up, about the vast majority of women in my family hating men but being closet lesbians. There were 2 boys in my life growing up, my older male cousin aka the wolf and my younger brother. Wow, I just smiled when I wrote “my younger brother.” We steered the conversation away from him and ended up talking about Robert and how he identifies with two abusers. We talked about how my adult male cousin is the only person in the family to pay for his crimes. I wonder if he had grown up differently if he would have hurt his girls? Even still we all have a choice. We have a choice to hit or not hit, to harm or not harm. People can get help. There is no excuse for abuse, none at all. People have a choice not to hurt. We talked about the mother choosing to hurt her children, choosing to not get help. That hurts so much, to know not only did she choose to hurt us she enjoyed it. That makes me angry.
We talked about me holding the baby on Monday and how it felt to do so. I didn’t freak out when she handed her to me. I didn’t run or try and sanitize the baby. No OCD issues at all as a matter of fact. He asked how it felt. I told him I like kids. He noticed the glow when I mentioned my foster boys. He asked how it was that I was able to be a good mother when I was never shown how to be one. For me motherhood came naturally plus I could relate to the boys and their fears.
We talked about how abuse gets passed down from one generation to another. I understand that. I’ve said it before, there are 6 generations of abuse in my family. I’ve heard stories from 5 of them because 5 generations were alive at one time.
I know my mother saw herself in me and I understand that. I understand the idea that a mother can look at her child and see the child they use to be. I understand looking at her and thinking you hate her because you see yourself, the weak, hurt, scared little knock kneed kid you were. I look in the mirror and detest the reflection of the scared child I use to be. But still, stand back and take a good hard look. She’s not you. I wasn’t her and I deserved a chance to not feel like she did. Because I do know how she felt it’s her fault, not the fault of the person that abused her. This is on her, it was her hand that hurt me and her apathy that allowed others to hurt me because she didn’t see me (herself) as worthy of protection. But you gotta draw a line between you and your child somewhere. Why, cause it’s right to do so, because it means her future health to draw that line.
Think about this, why on earth would you put her through what you went through? You can’t destroy yourself or your past through another person especially a child. Making the choice to do no harm and figuring out a way to follow through on this goal is vital for yourself and for generations to come. Do not pass this down! If you wouldn’t consciously pass down AIDS or ovarian cancer, breast cancer or any other deadly disease why would you be willing to pass down abuse? It is unnatural to hit and abuse, it is natural to love but sometimes anger from the past snuffs out our will to let love abound. Please, for the love of God do not pass this down!
Austin’s August
Will You Choose To Pass This Down?
Wednesday, November 14, 2007-6:31PM EST
On YouTube I saw a video by a pedophile saying the laws are too strict for sex offenders. He said it wasn’t right to keep them so many feet from children. He said the laws are too harsh and that pedophiles were killing themselves so their families could go on with their lives. I suppose we survivors and the law makers were suppose to drop tears for him and them. He even said to protect our children they need to be informed. He made it sound like we need to keep away from him not him away from us. The whole time he was talking he looked like he was high on something. The man has issues more than pedophilia. I think someone should step up and shoot him too. Or he could do us a favor and shoot himself. That way we don’t have to prosecute a hero for taking out a slob.
Disclaimer
This entry is not directed at anyone in particular. After seeing that jackass’ video I was livid. A comment came in validating my anger. I want to make it clear that this entry isn’t directed at her. It’s an entry about why I’m so pissed, especially after seeing that video.
I’m pissed at the world cause as Couey said, this sort of thing happens everyday. Everyday!!! You know what else pisses me off? There will be people to come to his aide or protest his death as if he has some right to life at all. This is a whole ‘nother rant here and has nothing to do with what you said okay. This is a whole different directional rant which really got started after I saw that jackasses video which I refuse to link to.
Am I pro-death penalty? Yes and No. Am I pro-death penalty for repeat sex offenders? Hell yes! However, with the death penalty in general the length of time it takes to see the death chamber, the appeals and all of that will re-victimize the family. In that way I’m against the death penalty. I think it hurts the victims more than serves justice when it takes twenty years to be put to death. But is the death penalty itself unjust? No. I don’t believe it is. I’m sure this opens up a whole different debate about who has the right to kill whom and all that but I’m going to tell ya (not you personally but everyone out there) when it comes to certain issues there is nothing you can say to me to change my mind. When it comes to repeat sex offenders I am all for the death penalty. I am totally for child sex offenders AND serial rapists getting the death penalty.
This is how I see it…we keep murderers in prison, try to keep them there to serve out their sentence and consider them more dangerous than those that kill the soul of woman and children. This says to me that the value of life is somewhat backwards. It’s like, well, yes you were raped and he raped other women/children/men BUT you’re alive so he gets earlier release than criminals that didn’t keep their victims alive. For Jessica Lunsford she had two things taken, her body and her life. The death penalty is just. But when an offender repeatedly takes the body of individuals but doesn’t take their life does it make him better than the man that takes both? To me, the magnitude of the crime is what makes something worthy of death. Every victim of Couey’s deserves justice even though he left them alive. But once you rack up a number of living victims I believe the death penalty should come into play. I do not believe there should be more justice for the dead than the living. My point is that there should be equal justice for the dead and the living. When it comes to predators be they murderers or sex offenders justice should be equal and should not depend on if the victim lived. The magnitude of the crime, the number of victims by sex offenders should be weighed and the death penalty considered. But hey, if the world doesn’t want to off the pedophiles then stop giving them early release. Stop letting people out for good behavior. What is good behavior in prison for crying out loud? What he mopped the floor and didn’t start any fights therefore he gets a little gold star that makes him eligible to leave his cell and go assault someone else? Good behavior? For a pedophile? Give me a fucking break!!!
Call me crazy for saying they should be put to death but you know what? I sit up at night scared to death. I see the images in my head like it was yesterday and I can feel my mother, my uncle, my cousin on me. It makes me not just angry but sick to know if my mother got the death penalty for torturing and raping me from age 3 to my late teens there would be someone that would come to her aid in the death chamber. What the fuck about me? It’s like, hang on people, you care about that life, about making sure that lives. You’re going to go hold up candles at the prison when that is put to death? Guess what? That’s bull shit. But, when Couey is put to death there will be people protesting. They’ll be up holding candles and what not and I’ll be up too. I’ll be up trying to avoid the same fucking nightmares, the same flashbacks, the same damn memories cause by a woman and two men that just couldn’t find it in their heart to leave me the fuck alone. Hell yeah I’m pissed. I’m pissed because there is so much attention given to the criminals and their rights. And way too often the shock and horror of what happens wears off and victims will be forgotten, both the living and the dead.
Destiny
More Calls For Death Penalty in Child Rape Cases
Sunday, August 26, 2007-6:57PM EST
UPDATE
And another fuckin thing! If ever I were assaulted again and stood before a court or the media and they asked what I wanted out of the case I swear I’d say it was because the person fucked me over, not because I wanted to protect others. Yes, I want others to not go through what the perp did to me but I’m not going to give the line about, “This is so no one else has to go through this.” Fuck that, this is for me. I want this mother fucker in jail because he fucked me over. That’s why I’m doing this. And when you put him in jail then no one else gets fucked over. It’s called killing two birds with one stone.
I’m done for the day. I’m spent. I’ve gotta eat and calm down, pet my dog and all that jazz. Offenders have taken up too much of my day already.
Destiny
I’ve watched the show. I think it’s great that they would put their mugs on TV and catch them in the act. There was seemingly no way for them to get away with what they’d done and no way for them to talk their way out of it. The key word is “seemingly.”
There was a guy that they caught twice, once at the child’s house and then at McDonald’s. His behavior was typical of a child molester. He bitched up really quickly when confronted by an adult about what he was doing. At first I wondered why they let the men go but maybe they didn’t realize they could detain them. After the first show they started arresting them right on the spot. It’s true that men from all walks of life, all colours and sizes showed up to the house. A man even brought his little son to the home of the child he intended to molest. What kind of crap is that? This show does a lot of good in that it catches predators but even their efforts are sometimes thwarted by unjust laws that protect offenders.
There is a lot of focus on male offenders. Usually people are disgusted at male offenders. They’re ready to throw the book at them but they turn around and joke about female offenders. The other night on Jay Leno he made 2 jokes about pedophiles. The first joke was about a female teacher found in bed with not one but 2 of her students. He said it was the result of over crowding in the schools. He said, “Whatever happened to one on one tutoring.” The crowd groaned but they also laughed. In the same show he talked about one of the men who plead guilty on Dateline. He said that the man didn’t get the sentence he should have gotten because he was too short to go to prison. See, our justice system says this man is too short to go to prison because he’ll be “victimized.” Jay said they should give him some shoe lifts and send him up state. Why did he feel differently about the male offender than he did the female offender? TV personalities also do a lot to damage public opinion concerning sexual offenses. I wonder if he realized that in the same show he thought lightly of the boys that were molested but was angered by the girls that were molested. I wonder if he even thought twice about the message he was sending.
I thought more than twice about it. These women are let go to offend again. They’re let go to ruin some little boy’s life. They’re looked at as less dangerous because they are female but truthfully, they’re adding to the number of potential criminals by molesting these boys. There is little help out there for male survivors. The support network for them is less than that for women by a gross percentage but the percentage rate for male survivors to become violent criminals or sex offenders themselves is high also. Does the law understand that they are letting female offenders go so that they can help increase the number of criminals on the street? When you don’t view women as equal predators you give them a free pass to ravage the lives of innocent people. There is nothing funny about that.
More Calls For Death Penalty in Child Rape Cases
(John) Couey, You’re A Dead Man
Is Death Too Harsh For Sex Offenders?
Art by: F. Magdalene
See also: Declaration of the Rights of the Child
To Catch A Predator: Dateline NBC -Wednesday, May 31, 2006-1:36 AM
The boy threw his life away, and for what? He doesn’t even get the girl, what he’ll get is the death penalty.
A woman decides to marry a 15 year old boy and throws her life away, for what? To be branded as a pedophile for the rest of her life. Sexual abuse kills the soul but like most sex offenders, she’ll never see the death penalty.
When you look up the word pedophile in the dictionary it does not say “A man that has sex with a child.” Why do we make excuses for women who have sex with children? We make excuses by giving them names like “mentally ill.” Isn’t it all mental illness? I mean come on. When we hear that a man has abused his daughter we just think of him as yet another pervert, a man! We don’t think twice about weather or not he should be given treatment or if he should or should not go to jail. We do not have mass media covering the abuse or have MSN cover the story before they cover the resignation of top Jordan officials. It doesn’t happen because we are use to them hurting children in this way. We are accustomed to it, almost apathetic in a way. But when we hear about a woman abusing a child, especially a female child, we move from apathy straight to “let’s get her some help.” Let’s throw a diagnosis on her so that we can explain away why she has chosen to victimize children. Why? Why is abuse by a female any different than abuse from a male? And why is there just now focus on the subject? Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is a hot topic at the moment, but 20 years ago they just sent you to the loony bin and forgot about you. They’d rather explain it away now because the thought of a mother hurting her own child for her own gain is too much for our society to take. We have to give them a label so we can stomach the thought that woman are predators too.
When a child dies in a home the first parent they look at is the mother but still both parents are immediate suspects. When a child is sexually abused in the home the first parent they look at is the father. I know that time and again the male in the home of an abused child is the main abuser, but to lose sight of the role of the mother is failing the child of true protection. Not all mothers really know what’s going on but most of them do. My goodness! There is too much information out there describing behavioral changes to not see what is happening to your child in your own home.
A woman that chooses anyone at all over her children is an abuser. If she is willing to neglect the needs of her kids to put the needs of her mate (male or female) first it’s abuse. We’re use to hearing this aspect of abuse and we sigh with grief when we hear it. We don’t make excuses for her. We don’t file her away under the term, “mentally ill.” We also don’t have the attention of the country because of that “phenomena.” We almost expect it, the same as we expect to hear that a man has abused a child. How many times have you gasped at the number of registered female sex offenders online? Compared to the men, the woman offenders are few. I would wager that the numbers are not so off balance because many times victims are too ashamed to come forward and say they’ve been abused by their mother. But you know what? At one time we were ashamed to come forward and say we were abused by our fathers, our grandfathers, uncles or the neighborhood boy. We don’t make excuses for them. We just call them “men”. Why do we make excuses for the opposite sex? A predator is a predator, male or female.
Austin’s August
survivors
Multiple Personality Disorder
women
Sexual abuse
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