This morning I woke to find three beautiful mushrooms in Lentil's terrarium. The mushrooms grew out of a patch of orange moss that grows along side driftwood stationed close to the watering hole.
Although these frogs will tolerate being held, it's not suggested you do so. I hardly ever hold him unless needed. Today was deep cleaning day so I had to take him out which meant photo time. ...continue reading "A Frog named Lentil"
Clyde is needy, so am I. He too jumps at the slightest noise. Even though he's anxious, he's protective of me.
He knows what it means when alarms go off 4 times a day. Two of those times he's going to eat, which he loves to do.
He's such a good boy, gentle yet playful and easy to please. I can't believe how much he loves tennis balls. In this photo he's looking all sad and pitiful bc we weren't playing ball in the rain. Lol He was happy inside the house when I unwrapped his new chew bone. 🙂
I've done what I'm supposed to do, that should feel good. I don't feel good.
I'm still creating. Some get finished, other's lack substance and I lose interest. Today I made a third doll for donations (pics eventually) and a hat for myself.
Right in the middle of studying I had a full blown panic attack but I kept going. I didn't want to feel totally defeated. The problem was that I made one single, solitary mistake and it felt like my world crashed, like it was the biggest catastrophe on my heart. I had to get myself together over a tiny mistake that it took seconds to correct. Agitation. Agitation. Low tolerance for just about anything.
I listen to my frogs. I read. I played fetch with the dog again today; day three in a row. Playing with him today was forced but it was nice to see his tongue hanging out of his mouth and that big dog smile after playing so hard.
I want to care, mostly I don't.
I want to be in a good mood tomorrow and meet with what is now three people for letters to homebound Seniors in our community. I want to meet with them but I'm afraid. I just want to go to bed and put the covers over my head but honestly it feels miserable under there, too. Why? What is there to explain this level of absolute depression and flat out despair? What's wrong with me?
Just thought of something....... I've had a med change. It's the only thing I can think of that would make me feel this bad, so deeply with no real reason. I mean seriously, I want to just lay down and die. I can't explain why. Is it the combination of meds or something else? I talk to Dr. D tomorrow. We'll figure out something because today I hit my threshold.
I've been reading about staying positive which can be difficult for me. One of the things I've been trying to remember is that even with my health issues, I've not lost everything. I made a short list of things I've learned to do while in bed and while pacing at home. The reason I learned these things is that it's difficult to sit. It's painful so I end up lying down or I keep moving while I'm up. Standing still doesn't go well for me but as long as I keep moving I'm okay. So, here is my photo for the 17th of this month and my list of things I can still do:
Complain. I can do that in whatever position I find myself in. I complain in English and American Sign Language. I'm currently learning French, which isn't killing me this time around.
Paint. I can paint and draw while lying down. I've covered my bed so as not to ruin my mattress. It was my greatest concern that I wouldn't be able to paint because of needing to lie down so much.
I can sew while lying down. This was a welcome surprise. I have to be a little more prepared but it is still possible. I just finished and adopted out two dolls and I've started on a custom order doll today.
I can study and take notes in bed or on the sofa as long as I have my tablet and supplies with me. I can read and pace at the same time which I do quite often.
I can produce hand written letters of encouragement to others while in bed. It's important to always reach out.
I can still receive visitors if I'm on the sofa.
I stand while making tea but I have a no spill cup that allows me to drink tea in bed. Yup, gotta have that tea no matter what.
I can enjoy the sunshine on my face from the comfort of my bed. I can see the sky and hear the birds and ducks.
My smile isn't broken because I'm lying down. I still have a sense of humor.
She is ridiculously adorable. This is an addition to the frog's name, not a change. C. Annie Pickle is her name. Chandler Annie Pickle. If you can't tell, I'm so lovin' this frog. Look at those big eyes. My goodness, and those crazy legs of hers. When she jumps and lands she sounds just like those gummy frogs you get out of the machines at the store. There's a splat and smack combo as she lands. I so love frogs and their crazy feet.
Little green Annie is an Australian Tree Frog aka Dumpy Frog. She'll get anywhere from 4.5 inches to 5.5 inches. I intend to get her a friend at some point.
Too, too cute. I'm having way too much fun with this frog.
My Chubby frogs are as beautiful as ever, a rich chocolate with gold banding. I'm getting used to their call. At first it was strange to hear them but now I enjoy it. I've heard Annie call twice. 🙂 For a short while the crickets sing then the frogs. This is an orchestra with a song I've come to depend on.
When I first realized Jane was really sick, I moved out to the living room with her. This meant I spent a lot more time observing the terrariums as opposed to just working on them then coming back in the room. I'd like to keep my new observation vantage point. I like watching them move around, snatch bugs in their terrarium and explore their environment. Having a third frog that is primarily a land frog means I can watch plants grow and see the grass fill in places. I'll see their landscape change with time which is a nice thought.
I got the frog and brought it home. It already had a name before he even got here. The name is Chandler Pickle. As it turns out, Chandler is a girl but, who knew? The guy at Petco says I should change her name but honestly, it's even funnier to say the frog's name is Chandler and that it happens to be a girl. I mean really, if she has a problem with her name she'll have to change it when she grows up, just like I did. I'm sure some fat bull frog lawyer with several lily pads and his own pond will take on her case. Until such a time, her name is Chandler which I can't say without laughing, which is the point. I wanted the frog to have a silly name. ...continue reading "A frog named Chandler and the cat that won my heart"
Funerals have a way of making you think about life in deeper terms and with focused eyes.
At the funeral I ran into 6 of kids that come here. They're going to be at the Hall for my first talk. I'm so happy they're going to be there. The oldest girl is going to record it for me.
I don't think I've been hugged so much in one day. Yes, it hurt and yes I required pain meds after, but I wouldn't have traded those hugs for anything or passed them up. They moved but they are still able to come here and to come to my Hall. That makes me happy. ...continue reading "Adjusting positive focus"
****Within 10 min of posting, this need has been met. THANK YOU. Deep sigh of relief!!! And honestly, a few tears.****
Not all of us get the same information at the same time. When I moved to this apartment it took a long time for all of us to understand that we moved. The information isn't common. It's not like one knows it so we all know it. The information has to filter to each one of us which can sometimes take a while. When our dog Captain died it was about 6 months later before one particular person knew it. With Mary Jane being sick, there has been a complication because the person who is now main care giver for her didn't know how to administer one of the medications. The meds were given wrong for several days but that has been corrected. They call what I have a disorder for a reason. I don't have Dissociative Identity Order.