My cab driver said the most shallow thing I've ever heard. She said, "If I could ask God for anything, I'd ask him for a big butt." ..... cue the crickets........ I gave no reply. I mean really, what do you say to that? Screw world peace, forget curing cancer, feeding the hungry, releasing the oppressed, give me a bubble butt! Child please, I'm not on enough medication for crap like this.
I will have my guest here Wednesday. It hit me that I'm a bit shy about my humble home. I told Dr. D today that I struggled with having someone come that might expect more. I'm not poor, I'm destitute. I've heard about this poverty line but I think, like Big Foot, it's an urban legend. Has anyone ever seen it? As a child, the mother's income saw us way above it. Despite bouts of homelessness she kept her position, strange, but she did. I almost detest money until I need it. I told Dr. D that my needs are primarily emotional and spiritual. I have very little use for ...things....
This individual will come here and meet me with no pretenses, no complications, just me and the walls that hold the things that make me tick. Eventually I returned to my center and stopped the whole garbage about my home being too humble. Jordan will handle the artist that's visiting us.
Dr. D asked if I still feel suicidal. I said yes. He asked if I am going to act on it. I said no but I'm surprised at the length of time these thoughts have lingered.
Car accident number two in one week. Lesson learned: never ride with someone while they're very, very manic. I actually screamed out, "Oh no, Jehovah, this is going to hurt!" She started laughing. It did hurt and still does. Can I get in a car and not slam into something? When she's not driving recklessly we have a total blast. I really enjoy her company.