Jane is having a much better day. She ate twice and kept it down. I've held her twice and carried her around once as she laid on my shoulder. I've moved my laptop and a few handy art supplies out here to the living room where Janie has been staying. This way we can spend a little more time together.
I've eaten one sandwich in the last 24 hours. Despite the hour I'm going to log off and eat a salad.
My head is full. I think of what's happening and suddenly I can't breathe so I throw the subject out of my head and start cleaning. I've cleaned obsessively and at times with such energy that I hit my hand on things because I over shot the distance with force. I'm to the point of washing my walls....I'm climbing the walls with this anxiety. ...continue reading "Overload. Finding Tea."
My right leg is still swollen but it doesn't hurt nearly as much as it did yesterday. I'm still wearing compression socks.
I fell asleep shortly after writing my last entry. I've been sleeping for a very, very long time, all day and night. I got up to use the restroom. I got up to feed the cat and take medication, other than that I've been sleeping. I couldn't keep my eyes open.
I went for an orange and got distracted. I cleaned the kitchen and vacuumed the floors. I had an orange, water and some tea.
Yesterday evening was scary because I wasn't sure I'd wake up today. I jotted a quick note to my friend Snow and closed my eyes. The leg was really bad yesterday.
One of the best things for edema is activity. I need to increase blood flow. I also need to be conscious of what I eat. I don't take a lot of sodium but at this time it's best to be even more careful with it. My stretches will be important. My vascular issues are Lupus related which means the root of the problem is in my blood and immune system. If I am to have any impact on this I'll have to do it from the inside out. I have to get that turmeric, ginger and black pepper back in me on a regular basis. I have to get cinnamon and garlic back in me as well as organic honey. These are vital. Funny how I can now see how vital it is after having stopped regular intake for nearly two months. ...continue reading "Lupus and edema. Dignity in life. Finding light."
The problem is that I'm embarrassed. Today will be my firs session with Dr. D after his vacation and after my closest support system has returned from Ohio. I took 2 milligrams of Klonopin about an hour ago. I think it laughed at me.
I'm going to talk to Dr. D about being fired by my general practitioner. It'll be a phone session which will be easier to say, but I'll be in his office on the 9th.
I wanted to write the old GP a letter but I'm not sure what it would say. Then I thought, write one but don't send it. Then I thought, I'm not writing a letter to a man that assisted in destroying our working relationship.
It crossed my mind very briefly to write a letter asking that he reconsider. I just got abandoned by a jerk, dropped on my head with the legal 30 day notice, but still dropped on my head. My abandonment issues have been touched. Lord knows I should have left that private practice the first time I saw him. After that appointment I never should have gone back, but desperation is a constant companion to those with a chronic illness and we put up with a lot of crap in the name of hope. Despite the fact that he was a jackass for two years, despite leaving his office in tears repeatedly, I am embarrassed that I got sacked as a patient. ...continue reading "High Anxiety Art – The Embarrassed Patient"
I arrived at the dentist office and had two teeth ripped out of my face. Right now I have a headache behind my right eye and in my jaw, the same headache that brings me to tears and that isn't touched by 10-325 Vicodin.
I've put cold packs on and have laid in the dark. Mary Jane wants nothing to do with me a I turn this way then readjust that way. As a matter of fact, she's asleep in front of the mirror. Talk about vanity. She's sleeping next to an image of her furry self. I'd like to sleep.
Out of frustration for the pain I decided I needed to get out of the house. This is the type of pain I want to run from. It's gnawing, aching, pulsating. It dies down then increases to fill the entire right side of my face and on to the shoulder. I was put on much stronger antibiotics. The extractions hurt so badly!!! The dental situation wasn't done by my regular surgeon because this was an emergency appointment.
The highlight of my week has been to getting poison oak. I'm not upset about it, not really. I've got it on my neck and under my chin as well as on my right hand. I've been doing alcohol rinses and so it should calm down pretty soon. I was outside looking for a garden snail, but I can't find one anywhere. I want a garden snail as a pet for a terrarium I have all set up for it. I can't find a snail but I did find poison oak. oops.
I have one emergency dental appointment tomorrow to manage some of the issues that have come up. Tomorrow I won't see my regular dental surgeon but a different man and his nurses. I'm nervous about this because I won't know them. Having a familiar face in the room is helpful. At least with this appointment we fast track the dental saga as a whole. It's possible I'll only have two more appointments with my regular dentist after this.
My body is not managing the saga well at all. I'm very, very tired. The emotional stress of going in slashes at my ability to function during for days after the appointment.
Dinner is cooking and my taste buds are smiling. There's leg of lamb cooking in there. I'll eat part of the lamb tonight and save the juices for an onion soup I have in mind.
I've always eaten dinner late. I'm up until 2 or 3 am so an 8 pm dinner isn't new for me.
I do love to cook. Dr. D mentioned that I haven't made myself real dinners like I used to. He's right. I was in survival mode with my health and in crisis mode with family which saw me eating frozen dinners and cold sandwiches. That's not me at all.
I think back on my culinary training and how I felt this amazing sense of doing what I was born to do. I knew when I was 8 that food has power. Food is an awesome gift to give someone. It touches the heart, not just the stomach. I knew at age 8 what I was born to be.
For many years, some not so distant, I was troubled by the need to quit working as a chef professionally. Imagine a potter having to give up the wheel and take on a fall back profession. Imagine a rose gardener putting down his craft. It feels like a part of you has been taken. It makes you mad. ...continue reading "Evening Plans – The Creative Plate"
Summer will bring kids and their parents to my home which means tea and more tea with painting and more painting plus some history tossed in.
Depending on the country, the ceremony or party, the kids use traditional cups dated as late as the 1940's. My number of countries represented in tea is down to 38 countries because my Kenyan Ceylon container is empty. It's on my list of must have. We've got so many good stores around here but I can't seem to find one that will order this tea for me. I want the loose leaf by Safari.
I let the kids use vintage and antique cups without worrying too much about them breaking but I went ahead and retired my English rose tea pot. I'm a bit more protective of that one. No one uses my daily tea pot either. I'm even more protective of it. I don't fret a lot about the cups being broken but I do expect all to use them respectfully. If one should break then it'll do well as a planter and I can go to Goodwill and search for a replacement. Goodwill is where many online shops get their tea cups for which they charge exorbitant prices.
Yay!! I finally was able to refill my lapsang souchong. This seems extra smokey but still good. I prefer Teavana but who on earth has that kind of money? I first came across this tea after someone purchased from Teavana but didn't like it. I inherit teas this way all the time.
A few months ago I received a nice present in the mail called Chamomile Bloom Herbal Tea. That is one beautiful tea. The florals in it are ...beautiful which meant I was going to have to eventually have some more of that stuff. I looked at the ingredients list. I now have them all.
If you understand how to read a recipe or ingredients list then you can duplicate packaged tea. Getting as close as possible or duplicating teas means I don't have to spend a small fortune on this passion of mine. I can mix some up as I go or I can mix a larger amount of herbs and store it as a Sundrip Tea. I'll have to start calling these Sundrip Tea. lol.
A friend purchased a grocery store brand called Berry & Ancient Flowers. It's a green tea by Private Selection. I'm not crazy about blueberry unless its yogurt, but the strong florals make the blueberry tolerable for me. Knowing I may want the tea again, I had to check the ingredients and see if I had everything. I did, with the exception of Calendula which appears to be helpful in several ways. I noticed that Calendula has warnings for people on sedatives, high blood pressure medication and those with diabetes.
Even though I've got a knowledgeable individual guiding me, I still make mistakes with homeopathy. The difficulty is one brought up when I was in Culinary School. There is a severe lack of standards and regulations, and people tend to forget that these flowers are medicine. Done correctly, homeopathy has done me a world of good, especially for my situation. But, mistakes in dosing or conflicts with pharmaceuticals can cause serious and other times humorous side effects. This is my segue to a part I'll call, "How to know if you've taken too much turmeric tincture" aka "Good Lord I can't stop throwing up my internal organs."
I have so very little lap sang souchong and probably won't have more any time soon. I love that stuff. I've used it on special occasions and with people who didn't know what they were getting into. I only gave them a little though cause I didn't want it wasted.
It's been over a month since I've had a good, formal tea party. I don't know when I'll have another but when I do I'll have Yerba Mate. This teas isn't exactly new to me but it's not one I've owned. One of the things I love to do is look up the story behind the tea. I've discovered that most tea has folklore attached to it. There are so many to read with this one and I can't wait to get to them.
I've noticed that there are several different areas where this tea is grown so I'm eager to taste those, too. I've always said that when you eat or drink something grown in the earth, you've tasted that part of the world. So far I've tasted the earth of 38 countries and provinces. I intend to add to Uruguay and Argentina to that list, places where mate grows naturally.
I can't get lap sang souchong here in Indiana but I can many other teas. I'm nearly out of my Kenyan tea so I refuse to share that.