My dreams weren't good but they didn't plague me. I laid in bed for a bit and watched a short lecture then got ready for therapy. We talked about how wonderful it's been to have my new buddy and how there's renewed courage to leave the house and go further than usual. I can't explain why a dog gives me that courage but he does.
We talked about the gift of sleep and how I can close my eyes and go to sleep without looking at the door fearing someone from my past will be standing there. It's not possible to stand in the doorway without Clyde letting me know. So I close my eyes and go to sleep....because I can.
The anxiety is still out of control with no real answer as to why. It's there, it's huge and it's not going anywhere soon. Dr. D and I went over a few things that could assist with managing it. We talked again about getting a stationary bike. I have to do something physical to relieve anxiety like this. Sometimes I just need to run from myself, get out of my skin and my head. I remember riding a bike back when I had a measure of health to do so. Man I miss it terribly. That's one of the best feelings ever. I know this bike will be stationary but my current need for it will be met because the motion of riding is what I seek. I figure since this is holiday time I can put one in the layaway at Walmart or something. ...continue reading "Therapy Review: Managing Anxiety. Relief"
I have a little one who was born in a small division of Indiana called Rosedale Hills. She was born in a home where art, music, love and laughter fill the rooms. The scent of joy is roses. The feel of care is as smooth as cream as its poured into what will become sweet ice cream. It is a home of peace with an environment conducive to growth.
This is Rose Marie, a hand stitched, hand painted, African-American ornamental rag doll. She's about 12 inches from head to toe and wears little white undies and little black shoes.
I know what you're thinking. I've seen her before. She sold last week. Only part of this is accurate. Let me explain.
Rose Marie was born here at Sundrip in Rosedale Hills and was ready for her new home. Her bags were packed and her heart was set for the road ahead but there was a snag in her adoption so she sits very sad, on my lap, holding my hand.
Rose Marie: Why not me? Faith, doll maker: It's not you sweetie. It's just that life got in the way and she wasn't able to adopt you. Her circumstances changed. It's not you. Rose Marie: The other girls got adopted, she said. Faith: I know. Those circumstances were different. The two mothers who adopted them had all their ducks in a row, they were ready and sure but the person who was to adopt you wasn't able to get her ducks lined up. It was her ducks out of quack, not a flaw in you. You're perfect. You're perfect with those beautiful, soulful eyes. You're beautiful with your soft hair and smooth brown skin. Little one, you are beautiful in your dress with gold trim and the handmade pendant around your adorned dress. There is no flaw in you, no flaw. Rose Marie: Will someone else adopt me? Faith: As sure as the sun rises, you will be adopted. Rose Marie: Will they have problem ducks too that don't like to line up right? Faith: Next time we will be much more careful about people with rebel, lunatic ducks. We'll make curtain the arrangement is more secure so that you don't get your hopes up or have your heart broken.
Rose Marie laid her head on my chest, squeezed my hand and said, "I didn't mean to make it sound like I don't like living with you."
Oh honey, I know. It's just that you want a home of your own. You deserve it and it'll happen. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but it'll happen.
And so Marie wrapped her plush arms around my neck and squeezed tight. "I love you very much" she said. "I know baby doll. You have so much love to give, that's what makes you special."
Moral of the story.1) Ducks can be thugs and rebels. 2) One must be patient for their heart's desire to be filled.
Rose Marie is up for adoption. She likes long naps, a good book, hugs and holding hands. At this time she's in hug therapy and being treated for Post Traumatic Duck Disorder. She's progressing but would prefer a home with no ducks.
You may purchase Rose Marie the ornamental doll for the administrative fee of $29.00. This covers shipping to the United States. International shipping varies. I refund all international shipping over $1.00. Please contact me at SundripJournals@gmail.com to adopt little Rose Marie. Please don't send money until we have confirmed that Rosie is still available. I accept PayPal and will soon place her in Etsy. They have their own administrative fees so there will be a slight increase when purchasing from Etsy. It is best and secure to use PayPal.
That was a long, long night. I woke at 2 pm when my friend Snow knocked on the door.
I didn't have to go to the basement again last night, but it was a mess over here all last night. I was happy the phone held its charge.
The messages (plural) that made me grab my cat and go said Imminent Danger Seek Shelter Immediately. Ya know, a girl can't really ignore that. It was pretty bad.
No deaths that I'm aware of, not here in my complex either. But there is damage to cars and windows from hail. There's water damage from windows being broken. Not pretty. Nothing in my apartment is ruined.
The more I make these dolls, the more I pay attention to my own. I've had my doll for several years now. In that time she has gone from all but being hidden in my bedroom to now sitting in the living room with flowers and such around her.
I've re-written this entry four times and have settled on the fact that it's choppy. The entry is a collection of thoughts concerning my own inner child doll named Mia.
I couldn't look at her for long periods of time and I didn't look in her eyes. I felt anger toward her. I hurt for her. I couldn't touch her. It felt like if I touched her I would have this lightening shock between me and her and I'd have to feel everything from childhood and adulthood all in one moment. I felt like I'd be gripped by flashbacks and never stop crying, never stop feeling the flashbacks on my body.
Of all the dolls I've made, this is the first time someone has allowed me to write publicly about how it feels to make these dolls. The first feeling is one of pressure followed by fear I may fail. It takes me a good week to get my head around the project.
The first step is the easiest, sew the body size. Now, I never use a pattern, never. The dolls body size for arms, legs, torso and head are not cut from a pattern. When the person tells me what they want, I visualize it and then draw the doll on the material that will best fit the creation. She's the size requested but she is cut from her own cloth, not a pattern.
After sewing all the parts (and a few back up parts) I begin working on the facial features. This step gives me the most anxiety and the most emotional satisfaction. For me, the artist, it's all about the expression on the doll's face and the expression in her eyes. Some have said that my dolls eyes look like the doll itself is an old soul. I hope that's a good thing because as I begin to paint the entire doll, features, flesh tone from head to toe, I don't feel as if I'm painting a doll. Things change quickly from doll making to having to deal with my own trauma issues as a child and adult.
I NEVER use the doll as a pin cushion. I NEVER hold the doll by the hair or have her in positions that are troubling. I start to see the doll as a child that will be adopted by someone who needs to love it, and will. Ah, my issues come up really strong in having respect for the creation. I'm making something that hopefully will aide someone in their recovery process.
I remember saying I wasn't going to do dolls anymore. I just couldn't get into it the way I was. Something interesting happened though, a woman who purchased a doll from me in 2009 contacted me to ask if I still make dolls. She wanted the doll to look a certain way. At first I was nervous because I thought, how am I going to make a doll when my head is a total mess and my body is running on the fumes of fumes. Still, I said yes. I'm happy I did. I really needed to remember that I can still make a quality doll.
I was concerned about making her without a down payment because a few doll sales fell through. I was a bit cautious but with a down payment in hand I went ahead and made her doll.
Mariah, the Handmade African-American Rag Doll is now available in my shop on Etsy. Please see the sidebar for the Etsy link. SOLD
Mariah was hand painted using oil paints which were allowed to cure. I then hand drew her facial features and painted them in acrylics. Her clothing is upcycled and includes a hand formed bead on her scarf. She is about 30 inches tall. She has big brown light eyes and medium brown soft hair put up in ponytails. Her ribbons match her scarf. The doll she's holding is not included.
All though Mariah is well put together I don't consider her a toy. She's more of a shelf sitter or welcome doll for a novelty shop or for the home of a fine art doll collector.
Plush Rag Doll stats: SOLD
30 inches long,
Long blond hair made of soft yarn,
Painted large brown eyes with long lashes, soft blue shadow and pink cheeks,
Pink dress, white bloomers with lace,
Little pink lace up slippers
Adorned in adorableness
For sale price and other details please see my Etsy shop link on the sidebar.
This one of a kind hand sewn, hand painted African-American (black) rag doll stands 30 inches tall and wears a green and cream home spun dress with red accents. She has two gold ribbons in her long black hair and a red wool beret. Little black patent leather shoes and white socks adorn her feet. A sweet smile and big brown eyes were hand painted to make this doll one special creation.
Note: Because her skin is hand painted she does not have the cuddly feel of most cloth dolls. For this reason she is listed as ornamental, a shelf sitter or bed doll.
Removable shoes and socks
Three removable hair ribbons
Heat treated to seal the acrylic paint
This perfect gift will arrive at your door signed, dated and numbered on her bum. She is doll #16.
There are no small parts. Child safe. No glue. The African-American Raggedy Ann doll is not included.