I have issues with idiots. As a matter of fact, I'm allergic to stupid people. They make me itch. I cannot stand stupid people, especially when they're dripping with it. That GP who was nice one time in a year and a half has gone right back to dripping stupid all over the place! An employee who is aware of his lack of ....everything.... gave me two phone numbers to call. I called, did an interview with a doctor's nurse and will see a new doc mid March. I should have asked one major question, but I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to ask. I suppose nothing is final.
I'm a chronic pain patient with mental health issues. I'm emotional. I'm dissociative and my body is a mess.
In Home Medical Care
It's not uncommon to get bad CNA's and in home nurses. I know too many people who have issues with them. Until about a year and a half ago all medical staff came here to my home, including the doctor. I can tell you, when there are no colleagues to remind you to be professional, professionalism is quickly thrown out the window. In a doctor's office the doctor sees the boundaries he should keep. He sees them in the form of nurses in uniform, aides in uniform, delivery personnel, so on and so forth. There are constant visual reminders that he must keep up the appearance that he is a professional. In the home, in privacy with no structured checks and balances, it is not uncommon to have a breakdown in professionalism. All too often these individuals are willing to make sexual advances, take your medication, eat your food, take your belongings and tell you their entire life story including their sex life. I had a nurse tell me about his testosterone therapy, which he'd taken up because of falling testosterone levels. A CNA showed me a photo of her deceased child laying on the bed in a blanket. A nurse wanted a relationship and offered me a $500 fish tank.
There isn't a dag on thing special about me (I do have fabulous hair) that draws stupid people to me. I am not so attractive that people have to be inappropriate. These things occur in nursing homes and are caught on nanny cams all the time. What has happened to me has happened to others. If you add a lack of trust to a picture that includes a patient with chronic pain and mental health issues then you get the perfect storm. "Those people" were here for over three years creating the perfect storm. Gracious!
Private Practice Medical Care
Now I'm looking for a new type of treatment, a doctor in a structured setting that I can work with. The General Practitioner doctor didn't work out. The first two pain specialists didn't work out. I now know that I shouldn't be on narcotics with my Fibromyalgia, which means a pain clinic isn't needed. However, I do need a good GP who can deal with the fact that I'm emotional and that this battle is leaving its mark.
Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Spinal Stenosis and all the secondary conditions that come with those three have left me with a desperation that I find hard to express. I'm also a woman in the beginning stages of menopause. That sounds like a ticking time bomb combination but the only explosions I have these days are explosions of tears. I'm a weepy something anymore.
I'm maxed..... I'm maxed.... That's the person who will show up to the new doctor. With all my intensity, a body wracked with pain since childhood (I was born with Lupus) and a mind split many directions. I'm not the easiest patient because of my intensity, but I am honest with my doctor's. I try to communicate and to understand what I'm told. I'm not the worst patient they could have, but it does feel that way. The reality is, I'm still dedicated to my emotional, physical and spiritual well being. Lord knows I'm exhausted and battle weary, but there is still a tiny spark.
I will keep going and I will keep looking for a GP I can work with. My GYN and Oncologist are fine. The people at the hospital that do my blood draws and other tests, people I've seen for a year and a half or longer who are not associated with my GP are all fine. The vast majority of in home physical therapists have worked out. I've seen the same psychotherapist for ten years, the same psychiatrist for four years. However, the search for a GP I can work with has proven difficult.