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Chronic Pain Life is like a box of Lupus Major Depression Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Ten

Random….

WordPress sent me an anniversary alert to congratulate me for being with them for 10 years. It’s been longer than that because I had sundrip.wordpress. I started on AOL then tried yahoo briefly. I moved to Blogger then WordPress before finally getting my own site using WordPress stuff. It’s been a very long time that I’ve talked and moaned on the Internet.

What was I doing ten years ago? I moved from a 21 story apartment building to a house I never should have entered. I’ve moved on but when I moved it was from the pan into the fire. I hung around people I had no business hanging around. I looked for and found drama. I ran from myself, got drunk on anger then collapsed into poor health.

In the last few years I’ve maintained healthy friendships and renewed my relationship with my Creator. I’ve done a yo-yo with depression and physical health. One day I can handle this, the next I want to walk in front of a truck. I’ve worked my butt off in therapy. I never expected to feel any forgiveness for my mother let alone give a 100 % clean slate. That didn’t happen overnight.

I can see a lot of improvement. I can also see that I’m still impulsive and angry. My anger has shift from my mother to doctors.

I’m still a woman child, still need to be acknowledged, seen. Another part of me is certain of who I am, why I’m alive, my purpose and my future. The woman child and confident one clash sometimes.

I still run in my head. My head is still full. I don’t run as far. I’m going to say that in the last 10 years I’ve walked a good distance. I know enough about myself to see that I need to address this depression medically. I don’t have confidence in my physical condition. Things get worse and worse yet I’m alive.

I’m hungry.

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