WordPress sent me an anniversary alert to congratulate me for being with them for 10 years. It’s been longer than that because I had sundrip.wordpress. I started on AOL then tried yahoo briefly. I moved to Blogger then WordPress before finally getting my own site using WordPress stuff. It’s been a very long time that I’ve talked and moaned on the Internet.

What was I doing ten years ago? I moved from a 21 story apartment building to a house I never should have entered. I’ve moved on but when I moved it was from the pan into the fire. I hung around people I had no business hanging around. I looked for and found drama. I ran from myself, got drunk on anger then collapsed into poor health.

In the last few years I’ve maintained healthy friendships and renewed my relationship with my Creator. I’ve done a yo-yo with depression and physical health. One day I can handle this, the next I want to walk in front of a truck. I’ve worked my butt off in therapy. I never expected to feel any forgiveness for my mother let alone give a 100 % clean slate. That didn’t happen overnight.

I can see a lot of improvement. I can also see that I’m still impulsive and angry. My anger has shift from my mother to doctors.

I’m still a woman child, still need to be acknowledged, seen. Another part of me is certain of who I am, why I’m alive, my purpose and my future. The woman child and confident one clash sometimes.

I still run in my head. My head is still full. I don’t run as far. I’m going to say that in the last 10 years I’ve walked a good distance. I know enough about myself to see that I need to address this depression medically. I don’t have confidence in my physical condition. Things get worse and worse yet I’m alive.

I’m hungry.

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