The windows were open but I didn’t stop to think about that. I just screamed. I screamed as loud as possible “I hate you!” then screamed at the top of my lungs! I wanted to slice my arms to shreds.
Yes, that kind of anger and hatred is in me but it’s usually controlled.
I may feel like screaming sometimes but I don’t give in. This time it didn’t matter. It just didn’t matter. I screamed and then went to bed.
This evening instead of self harm I took a shower. It was 1am or so but I took a nice shower with lavender soap and lavender oil I make myself. It wasn’t planned but it helped.
Today I changed the water in the fish tank and the frog’s tank. I brushed Jane. I wrote down a few tea recipes and talked to Snow. I see Dr D Monday afternoon. Wednesday is physical therapy.