Self control. I seem to be losing it. Even when I’m left alone I feel myself raging. I’ve been seeing things out of the corner of my eye that isn’t there. The people behind my eyes keep talking.
During PT, Buttons was working on my neck while l laid on the bed. I had tears rolling down the side of my face to his hands. I asked for a Kleenex. That’s what’s called a spiritual and unforgettable moment.
A friend is dying of cancer. At the height of my selfishness, I envied her. She gets to die and stop hurting, but I don’t. She’s a good person, I’m trying to be but this rage, the volcanic emotional eruptions and the flatline depression, weighs on me and my friends. There is a tremendous amount of guilt and shame because of what my friends go through with me. I’m really sorry.
I thoroughly enjoy exercising. My family belonged to fitness clubs where I fell in love with the way I feel before, during and after exercising. I prefer yoga to weight lifting. I love the feminine feel of some of the positions. At the request of my current physical therapist, I purchased a 24 x 6 heavy duty foam roller. Ohhhh my goshhhhh… the first time I did it in physical therapy I did too much. Here at home I don’t push it. Man that really opens up my chest and relaxes muscles resistant to medications and shots. A heavy duty foam roller has brought happiness to my current situation.
I pay attention to what Buttons is doing and ask questions so I can do some of the same at home. He’s a good teacher. He cares, too and I appreciate that.