Self control. I seem to be losing it. Even when I’m left alone I feel myself raging. I’ve been seeing things out of the corner of my eye that isn’t there. The people behind my eyes keep talking.
During PT, Buttons wasÂ Â working on my neck while l laid on the bed. Â I had tears rolling down the side of my face to his hands. I asked for a Kleenex. That’s what’s called a spiritual and unforgettable moment.
A friend is dying of cancer. At the height of my selfishness, I envied her. She gets to die and stop hurting, but I don’t. She’s a good person, I’m trying to be but this rage, the volcanic emotional eruptions and the flatline depression, weighs on me and my friends. There is a tremendous amount of guilt and shame because of what my friends go through with me. I’m really sorry.
I thoroughly enjoy exercising. My family belonged to fitness clubs where I fell in love with the way I feel before, during and after exercising. I prefer yoga to weight lifting. I love the feminine feel of some of the positions. At the request of my current physical therapist, I purchased a 24 x 6 heavy duty foam roller. Ohhhh my goshhhhh… the first time I did it in physical therapy I did too much. Here at home I don’t push it. Man that really opens up my chest and relaxes muscles resistant to medications and shots. A heavy duty foam roller has brought happiness to my current situation.
I pay attention to what Buttons is doing and ask questions so I can do some of the same at home. He’s a good teacher. He cares, too and I appreciate that.