We talked about the two incidents with police officers I had during the time that black people were being shot left and right. We talked about how my close friend holds beliefs that are bigoted but that she herself is not a racist. We talked about how these three experiences where race was at the center of the issue have changed my view of the world.
We talked about the history Betty and I share, about her adding extra Downy to my laundry because she knows I like it, about taking me to the doctor, the store and other places all the time. We used to go to lunch together. We giggled like school girls while having tea. This is not a person who is a racist, she’s a person with some pretty messed up views that affect me. Our friendship is too valuable to let go of because she has thinking that isn’t up to date. She is valuable to me… and yet, the experience does make me even more aware of the skin I wear.
We talked about how every single summer since I can remember, I’ve been called the n-word by people in passing cars. They’re really tough fleeing behind the wheel of a car after tossing that word at me. This summer’s assault will not be different but I am. I’m sore.
Last night / this morning, I wrote an entry about my racial intolerance that stems from abuse. I then jokingly harassed people from Kentucky, Ohio, Florida, Colorado, Australia and London. I called some foods slave foods, said I like chicken because I’m black and then added all sorts of non-sense. I hope it came off as silly as it was intended. As politically incorrect as it sounds, a man I greatly admire is originally from Australia but is currently residing in New York. My friend from London swears the English we speak in the US isn’t English at all. However, I’ve got him hooked on African tea. Its fun sipping some of the finest tea from the African continent with a guy from the UK who needs an interpreter because his British accent is babble. He’s a good guy.
In this life of mine there are so many swings, so many ribbons that cross one another and knot. Sometimes I can cut through the Gordian knot, other times I just go over it and try to manage it. But one thing is certain, things in my life change quickly. They swing up and down erratically. That means I can be sure that I will endure the current emotional crisis. I can be sure that I will have really good times and times when I wish I was dead. I wonder if others have life changes like mine. Life situations swing high and wide then smooth out, just long enough to catch my breath before the next fall. Somehow I am able to glean pieces happiness. Somehow I can open my eyes and see not all is bad. And, even when I want to quit, honestly, I don’t think I know how.
It was good to talk to Dr. D. I’ve missed him. Betty and Snow are out of town but will be here later. The lady that came today who doesn’t have a blog nickname yet, was fun to be with. We laughed, listened to music I’ve not heard before and chatted up a storm. It was nice. She doesn’t know I’m a multiple. I don’t generally share that with friends. I look forward to seeing her again.