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Anxiety The People Behind My Eyes

I didn’t know about all the shootings in the last few days

Until 20 min ago I had no idea there were more shootings. I don’t have a television. I watch reruns of Agatha Christie on YouTube. I watch the same DVDs I’ve had for years. I check the news online 2x a month.

I feel like crap having talked about my 2 European friends then messing around saying people from different states can’t come to my home. I was kidding. At the time I said it my words may have been used with bad timing. I had no idea 2 more people were gunned down or about the police being gunned down.

I was kidding when I said I’ve never had ox tail and greens because black people aren’t slaves anymore. I laughed. I’m sorry but that’s still funny. That entry was about a person damaged by abuse and afraid of skin color. It talked about my own bigotry and fears and trying to live with and understand Betty’s bigotry. When I said I’m black enough to get shot by the police it was said having no idea what so ever that demonstrations were talking place or that there had been more violence.

It is a complex world that we live in.

I looked in my journal to see when this whole issue of Betty saying not to call her mom in public got started but I can’t find it. I think when it came up first it was over a week ago while at Wendy’s hamburger place. June 10, 2016 “Revoked”

If I offended anyone I greatly apologize. This entire journal is specifically about me and my experiences. It’s for my therapist and me. However, I know a few others actually read this stuff.

Please know, I am not apathetic or intentionally callous.

* In the last 24 hours, Indianapolis has has 7 shootings. There were fatalities. All were domestic incidents.

Jordan

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.