The more people I know, the more I lose.

Despite outside influences, I’m not a superstitious person. I’ve heard a lot of sayings like, “I talked you up.” When I heard that my brother died it occurred to me that I’d spoken of him just a few days prior. That phrase came to mind but I dismissed it because we can’t bring a person to us just because we talked about them.  But it crossed my mind…. I killed my brother because I talked him up. Had I not said anything maybe he’d still be alive. But that’s not true. I DO NOT HAVE POWER OVER LIFE and DEATH simply by speaking a person’s name. I don’t. Despite all my strangeness, my upbringing, I’m just the girl next door. No more powerful than anyone else, just as fragile, strong, ambivalent and torn as anyone else. I do not have to power to harm a person just because I “talk them up”. How harmful the holding of superstitions can be!

I’m not a superstitious person, but I am fearful of spirits in cats. I don’t completely buy into the issues with cats and other changeling type things. I am afraid though, weary, most of it with cats. Logic tells me that cats are animals, they are living souls like me, not evil spirits. To counter my fear of cats I began working at a cat rescue center. I’d say my views are about 80% corrected. I’m actively trying to bring my thoughts in line with what is true.  I adopted Mary Jane, my best furry buddy, from the rescue center where I volunteered twice a week. I fed newborn kittens at home. I do love to nurture.

 Lonely Lotus FREE to take* I’m not a superstitious person. Some believe that bad happens in threes. I believe that the death of my friend who suffered for a very long time with Lupus is a tragedy, not a sign. She was loved. Man, she was loved and gave it so much that it’s incredible to believe that such love would cease to exist. It’s hard to fathom that going to the Kingdom Hall, she won’t be there passing out candy to the kids so they can have cavities and be diabetic when older. We used to laugh about that.

There’s a man for whom I have great respect; he’s now a widower. She fell in love with him at age 12. They married at age 17 and stayed married until her death yesterday evening. In my opinion, the strength he had was largely because of his partnership with her. They were truly partners in life.

Trying to destroy me. Google images meme. FREE TO TAKEI have to tell you, my sadness is very different concerning my friend with Lupus as opposed to my brother and mother. It’s different because I know just how hard she fought and just how much she went through, and just how much her body was being destroyed. She had kidney failure then a blood clot resulting in pulmonary embolism.

She was a spectacular person, a one of a kind. I hurt for her husband as he manages this phase of life; now 50 years old without the other half of his heart. I hurt for him but I’m happy he has the family of Jehovah’s Witnesses to rally around him. Let that man grieve, let him cry, scream and fall apart. Don’t tell him when to feel better, or hand him a platitude. Yeah, I’m happy he’s part of our spiritual family, the one I’m also a part of and have been given incredible support for my losses. He will be supported, not judged for the way he grieves, or the length of time he grieves. No one is going to tell him that we have to ‘keep going, that’s what she’d want’. No one but my biological family has told me to put away emotion and blah, blah, platitude blah. No, my friends and his friends have us both in their arms.

Years ago her father died of Lupus, and the widower’s mother has Lupus. Lupus is no stranger to that household. Who though, ever gets used to death?


This Lonely Lotus Warrior meme was found through Google images and did not originate with Sundrip. My note is that I altered the meme by removing one word, which started with an “f”, and appeared before the word warrior. lol 

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