The value of letters unsent

Snow left at 3:30, I was asleep by 5 pm and woke at 9:30 pm feeling more tired than when I went to sleep. This is one neglected body full of pharmaceuticals and toxins. This body has had no tea, very little water and just one sandwich. In just a few more days I can flush my system out. I’ll feel better then, not so bogged down. Before I start flushing anything out I’m going to need a big ol’ hamburger and an IPA, or two.

In addition to physical toxins are the mental toxins that ate at my brain for hours until I said, enough! and began writing down my feelings about the Betty situation. It’s a lot different from the blog entry about this new phenomenon where I went toe to toe with a woman without buckling. It was a detailed letter I knew no one would read. This meant I could throw out all expectations. I didn’t have to be concerned about using I messages, I wasn’t worried about the length of paragraphs or the length of the letter at all. I didn’t’ have to read over it to make sure I said what I meant so as not to cause unintentional offense.  I didn’t have to worry about how it might sound to others. It was just me and this keyboard trying to get manage this layered hurt.

Knowing I could speak opening meant not apologizing for getting off the subject or feeling as though I needed to validate her. I didn’t feel as though I needed to be extra careful not to step on toes. Nope, the letter was meant to purge in the way vomit comes out, all together in a yucky mess of undigested emotion.

By the time I finished writing it was 5:30 am and I was just getting to bed so I could see Snow later today. It was a nice visit. I enjoy her.

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