I am aware that my sister reads my blog, but at no time will I send messages to her through here. I’ll continue to write as if no one is reading. This is my place. This is my personal Gehenna, a public dump where I leave garbage and old bones in the form of memories, dreams and interpersonal interactions. I will continue to express every aspect of myself including my raw, emotional and vulnerable sides. Raw and emotional was exactly how I would describe Wednesday’s dental surgery that didn’t happen.
I showed up unafraid. Heck they were going to put me out and do what they needed to do. What did I have to be afraid of? Uh….When I got there the nurse told me that I would be sedated but awake. I said, no, that’s not what you told me. I said, you don’t understand, I can’t see him come at me with a needle. I may survive the procedure but I still have to go home and deal with flashbacks. I reminded the nurse of why I have a severe needle phobia. Then I started crying. She said, what do you need? What can I do to make you more comfortable? I said, um….I just need to pray…..let me get myself together.
Usually when someone says, I’m going to pray, the response is to give them a tiny bit of space, let them do their thing and viola, prayer offered. Nope, Indiana has again shown it’s strange side to me. I looked up and noticed how close she was standing so I said, “Why are you in my face?” She said, “You said you were going to pray. I thought you were going to pray out loud?” Who am I, one of the ancient Scribes or Pharisees? She added, I’m a believer. I want to pray, too. So she turned the radio off, closed the door and held my hand.
Here’s the thing. At the end of the day I am one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. So I couldn’t tell the woman, no, let me have a moment, I’m not going to pray with you, not even in perfect ambiance. So I sniveled a little bit, pulled up my JW boot straps, held her hand and laid it out truthfully. I started off with, “Jehovah, I’m afraid……” And it’s true, I was so scared, but I was also truthful with the nurse. Before and after the prayer I told her the risk of me hurting myself during a flashback of this nature is too high.
She left to talk to the doctor. They both came back in the room and told me that he’d do the surgery with me in the hospital. I’ll stay the entire day, enter surgery prep, do the surgery, go into waiting and then be released. I said, ok. They said they’d call me next week with an appointment. The ‘faith invasive’ nurse will be on duty that day. Yippie….. No, she was nice, she just took me by surprise when she wanted to get in on the prayer.
The Hibiscus and Cinnamon tea was nasty! I wish I’d grabbed another one to add to the stash I have to send a friend. Why should I be the only one with nasty tea? My friends should suffer, too.
* Definition of Gehenna
The word “Gehenna” literally means “Valley of Hinnom,” referring to a valley just outside Jerusalem. In Bible times, the city residents used this valley as a garbage dump. They kept a fire constantly burning there to destroy refuse; maggots consumed anything that the fire did not reach.
* Six Myths About Christianity—How One Myth Leads to Another
One Myth Leads to Another.