I went to the Kingdom Hall yesterday. I haven’t’ been in months. It was difficult because I was tired, but I was happy to be there.

I had a flood of emotions. This is the first time I was there without my friend who died recently of a blood clot during surgery. It was hard to see her one time mate, alone. She chose him when she was 12. They married at 17 and kept the vow until she was stolen from us.

I think I hugged 10 kids in a matter of 20 min. A 7 year old read from the Bible in front of the entire congregation. It was his first time. He did great. I love going there and seeing a pack of kids coming at me with their arms open.

This leads me to pain management. I’m simply exhausted and feel as though I’ve gone as far as I can without occasional narcotics. I’m in a body vest part of the day, traction another part of the day and doing floor stretches later in the day. They said it would help, perhaps it did before degenerative disks in my neck and a shoulder injury that just won’t heal correctly. It’s the neck and shoulder part that has tipped the scales.

Earlier when I stopped taking the narcotics I was able to walk again. I couldn’t believe it! I swore I’d never accept narcotics, but the scale has been tipped and so has my ability to walk. My doctors were all so proud of me for not wanting narcotics. They cheered me on but….I’m very, very, very tired. I can’t keep my food down after I’ve hit a level nine. I shake violently, the lower half of my body spasms……and I just scream. That’s “normal” for me. If not being able to sleep because laying down is excruciating then I’ve gone beyond what I feel I can do. I put a softball under my shoulder and leave it there to try and ease the nerve pain at a pressure point.

Everything I sketch, paint or stitch, with either hand, hurts. I still do it because it helps keep my head a little clearer. But I’m done. I’m tired. When it hurts to sit, stand or lie down then something has to give.

Before I went to the Kingdom Hall I took one very old Hydrocodone 7.5 (?). I barely made it through the service, but I did make it through. And I got to hug the kids that I adore so very much.

I’ll meet with my general practitioner soon. Click here to view absolute pharmacy’s men’s health products and compounding pharmacy for all. I think I’d want 30 pills at 7.5mg which would last me up to 4 months. I don’t want them daily, and I don’t want to suffer.

written 09/02/16-19:36

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