I give everyone I talk about a nickname on the blog. The new physical therapist’s name is Black. The last one was Buttons this one is named Black. I used to have one named Piper. When she came here I wanted to believe that she could help with the pain level. I pictured her playing a flute, drawing all the pain out of my body. The rats that eat at my skin and mind were drawn out and away, off the cliff, off of my being.

Pied Piper - SOLD
Pied Piper – SOLD

I met the physical therapist today. I like her..yeah, her. I was concerned about being triggered by having a female but her experience beyond being a regular physical therapist trumps emotional issues. Today she caught what two other physical therapists didn’t address at all. I have cervical scoliosis. That was addressed when I spent half my early years in the children’s hospital. We addressed the systemic pain and surgery on my legs. My body is crap and it plays in to what’s going on with my shoulder.

I want to work with her because she has a specialty. She’s not a general PT.  She’s all energetic, too. lol. It was interesting today because she had me sit up then she straddled me while working on my neck. She was standing with her legs apart over my lap. I thought, um…..okay….am I okay with this????? Ahh, whatever. The closeness wasn’t a problem, the problem was that I just got straddled by a girl which in my old world has only one meaning. I sat there for a second and thought….do I feel anything? Is there a physical response? Uh, nope. It’s just therapy. I was pleased with that.

The closeness was not a problem. I’ve been a patient for so long. I’ve done so many MRI’s, x-rays, biopsy, exams, IV’s, it’s not even funny. I don’t have to get in a gown to often anymore. A long time ago that was demanded but not so much anymore. Despite knowing hospitals inside and out since I was little, I do need to be mindful of my thoughts concerning being straddled by a girl.

When Button’s massaged my arm he really used a lot of pressure. He was rocking the table! I felt like I should have been treated to dinner if he was going to ‘move’ like that. The female physical therapist can not do that. I know my limits and I will certainly set them if she sets off to work with that type of rhythm. I’m only human. There was no attraction to Buttons, it was just how he was moving…with rhythm…my gracious! That was difficult and a bit triggering. Anyway, it’s something I’ll keep in mind. At this point I’m pleased with her since energetic self. I like her.

I’m going to have to be the one to do this. We don’t want Robert there at all. Crystal and the Ariel’s are way too anxious for this type of contact. I’m sure I can handle this but I hope to have a back up from time to time. It would appear I take after an alter that integrated, Joan. I have about a two hour window of being ‘out’ before I’m stressed and I switch. Who comes out after me is anyone’s guess. Physical therapy lasts 30 min but my two hours starts from the time I pop out, not the time PT starts. That’s why this is called a disorder. It takes a lot of concentration and some help from our psychologist to try to make it so I am able to manage these sessions.

There was only one issue today, putting a name to the type of pain. Is it stabbing, throbbing, like electricity? I don’t know!!! I can give a number on a scale. I’m usually at an 8 and can get a few things done each day at an eight. If I slip to an 8.5 I’m down for the count. A 9 or 10 I’m vomiting, shivering and praying to get back to a level eight.


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