I’m still trying to outrun you.

A perfectly decent individual says hello and crosses into my world. I refuse to shake his hand because he’s wasting his time with me. Soon he’ll realize I’m crazy. I was crazier in the past.

I want to delete everything on the net that has ever been remotely close to me to ‘clean it up’ so he can’t find out ‘what’ I am. I don’t want to disappoint him. I just want to do what I do without the burden of having to let someone else get so close they see all the cracks.

I’m still trying to outrun myself.

I’m still fighting old records, still trying so hard to convince myself I’m NOT DIRTY when I’m not so sure it’s true. I just want to paint, volunteer, hang out with friends. I don’t want the burden of having someone want to get to know me better. I just want to do what I do.

You can’t see me. You can’t get to know me. I’ve passed you by. I’m still running.

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