Keep my head on track
Not be angry
I keep covering my face and rocking.
I keep looking at the frogs in their tank. I’m happy I added another, they’re much more active with a third in there. He still doesn’t have a name.
I painted some and worked with a new finish. I used old art work I’m not going to do anything with to try new finishes.
I did my yoga routine. I went through the motions but I never truly relaxed. I could still hear one small, tiny comment made by one of my visitors I didn’t know what tagging along. She said, “You should do some exercises in here.” It was out of the blue! Completely left field, blind side type of comment then she moved on. I was like, um, did she just….really?…she went there?….. nah, she looks so intelligent, she can’t be that stupid to say something like that to someone she doesn’t even know. I said, I do exercise in here. She told the story about how it took an hour an a half to get her mother off the floor. I said, I fall, I get up. I fall a lot, I get up a lot. My floor smells like lavender on purpose so if I have to wait a bit to get up I can at least enjoy the flowers. She laughed. I said, I can get up on my own, too. I’m sensitive about my weight. I’m sensitive about my hair. I’m sensitive when people give me looks like, “are you crazy?” I want to tell them yes and not to mess with crazy! She won’t be back. The other visitor was just fine.
I have a head full of worry and anxiety.
I need to go to sleep and I need some good food, not a cold sandwich but a good hot meal. I’ll figure something out when I wake up. I should take some klonapin and go to sleep.
The other lady here has a tea party to go to tomorrow. My tea parties are really just gatherings of people I know with a few I don’t know. We’re just ladies talking and having a good time but I guess people have parties now where they sell tea. She’s going to taste but not purchase. We talked about how to mix flavors and stuff and how to do much of the ‘exotic’ mixes at home. Of course I wanted to show off the tea collection but we never got to that. It was good though. We had the Kenyan today.
I’m going to do now. I’ll be better later I think.
I wish I could just draw what I want to draw and not worry about if something is going to sell or not. I just want to do what I want to do and I want it to be big. We’ve got pretty big paper. I wish I could just draw by myself and not worry about what the others thing. Well, actually, they gave us the Lonley Hunter book to do whatever we want in it. I can use that I suppose. I’d better go to sleep now.