Anxiety Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Death of a child – Shock. Numb. Taking Stock.

Subject matter: Death of a child I don’t give trigger warnings very often but when dealing with the death of a child it feels warranted. This is emotional, not watered down.  I try to wrap my brain around what one support person did. I find it heroic. I couldn’t do it. I think of it and my […]

Abuse I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes Women

The girl unbroken

There’s a girl I used to know, a woman actually. We were best friends for over 16 years. I’ve had several dreams about her lately and have wanted to reach out to her, but I don’t. I won’t pick up the phone to call. I walked away from her because of the domestic violence situation […]

Abstract Art Art Multiple Personality Disorder Originals PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Emotional Gauge and the Global Abnormal

I was late to an appointment with someone. It’s my first time being late. I was to be ready at 1 pm but they showed up at 1:30 pm and I was still asleep. I got up in shock mode, put my clothes on and did what I needed to do. Something interesting happened. While […]

The People Behind My Eyes

Steve “the Beast” Pickle

Steve hangs out on land. He’s big, beautiful and green with a belly full of crickets. fma

Cats Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Beautiful things

Content: Brief mention of a child’s death. The second paragraph and all the way to the end has no mention of it. 1)  It’s understandably a difficult day over here. I’ve been sort of pushing things to the background, trying not to feel the full force of the loss. If I think of it too […]

(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

A young child with Lupus died. Processing.

Subject matter: death of a little boy. The left shoulder going all the way to the toe on my left side spasmed for hours. The pain was so intense I honestly thought I wasn’t going to make it through. Four friends assisted me through it. It’s a strange feeling to think to yourself, I’m drying, but the pain […]

Life is like a box of The People Behind My Eyes

Plaid Pajamas. Shelters. Sharing.

I did it again. I bartered. 🙂 Well, I’ve been needing some warmer clothing. I needed several pair of sweat pants and some long sleeve shirts. I’d unfortunately gotten down to 2 pair of pants and 4 long sleeve shirts. I was worried about the shirts I have because they were being used to go […]

Anxiety Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes

Anxieties Amass

First I had to clean up then accept two guests. After they left I worked with the terrariums and the frogs. The cat waited patiently for her turn as Snow and I discussed the service animal issue before me. She wants to know if I can do the stairs. I said, I fear my depression […]

(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Uncertainty brings anxiety

I’m restless…anxious. Sometimes when I get this way it feels like I need to put something inside me to calm down. I feel like I need to scribble on paper while pacing the floors with the a movie playing and the radio on at the same time. I need to rip my stomach out. I […]

(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Falling with the temperature

I went to the doc today. The new diagnosis means I’m listened to, strange feeling. I’m going to say the same thing I’ve been saying and I mean it just s much as the first time I said it. I hurt. From head to toe, I hurt. I do not want to roll over and […]