This is an entry that has me giggling before I even get it started. It appears that a person desires limiting her use of the F-bomb. Let me tell you this, not five years ago I used the f-bomb like a comma. If I was angry it was even worse. It would go something to this affect: “Do you want some f-bomb milk with those f-bomb cookies?” I mean to tell you, if f-bombs could destroy the earth, we’d have zombies and the Apocalypse by means of my mouth. I mean I was droppin’ ’em. I spoke ‘curse’ like it was my mother tongue.
When I decided I wanted to live as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses it meant significant changes. I was worried I couldn’t do it. I was worried about my mouth, my tobacco addiction, use of my middle digit and my life style. Who knew I’d love being a JW so much? Even so, I’m still a work in progress. Slowly but surely I tackled some issues. This entry deals with cleaning up my mouth.
Oh that language of mine.
I truly wanted to clean up my language but I needed help. I asked my best friend of 16 years not to curse around me. Yup, sure did. The goal and change was my own, not hers, so I was appreciative when she gifted me the request. And yes, she slipped up, but I didn’t wag my finger.
She and I came up with words to replace the other words. We would get to laughing at some of them because they showed the foolishness of the situation we were discussing. Family troubles turned into “monkey caca”. When she said things along that line, I knew right away people were acting stupid and causing her grief. We’d come up with these crazy and often funny phrases but they didn’t detract from the understanding of information to follow. She even said it was fun.
Sooo, I’ve decided to come up with a short list of words to help a blogger friend loose the f-bomb hold. Please feel free to list your own sterilized words and phrases that assist you to express loathsome situations, persons who have or cause gangrene of the mind, bone crumpling stupidity or walking bags of flesh. If you can’t find enough non-sense words here, surely Sarah Palin can offer from her wealth of non-sense. Okay, lets do this thing.
My go to word is dang it.
- Stupid sauce – Stupid sauce is what you get when a person is saturated with stupidity until it begins to seep from their pores leaving behind a trail. Think of a drooling dog. Drool is like stupid sauce.
- Vomit – Half digested nutritional substances or HDNS is person or situation violently rejected from the depths. a) He’s a piece of vomit. b) I won’t accept living among half digested nutritional substances. c) These bile-eaten people in my life are too toxic, it’s time for these HDNS to go.
- Crap o la – General crap. If one speaks Spanglish they’d say el crapo or la crapa. I’m kidding.
- Dadblastit and dang it are great words to use when substituting curse words.
- Cavity – A cavity is a person who is causing distress or who is toxic. A person with emotional plaque build up is someone who acts out, won’t work on their issues and pretty much causes the atmosphere to stink. A cavity, if not treated will need to be extracted.
Use these phrases and words and watch your friends laugh. The laughter is because it’s not expected, it’s not your norm but don’t give up just because others don’t desire the change you’re seeking. This is about you, not them. It’s okay if they laugh.
What if you want to tell someone ‘where to go” or insult them without cursing? Here are a few fun examples of how to do that. (I told you this entry was going to be silly.)
- Go play in rush hour traffic.
- Shouldn’t you be out running with scissors?
- People like you are why people like me are on death row.
- You’re the reason psychotropic drugs were created.
So, yes, the foreign words exchange program can be a challenge and it may seem strange to others. What I tried to remember was that it was about me, not others. The change in language was because I desired it. I did ask my best friend to please not curse around me but I kept in mind that the changes I wanted to make are for and about me. This helped me be a smidgen less judgmental and dogmatic in behavior and thought. I’ve hinted at an upcoming entry.