Reminder: Faith, you understand you can’t cure yourself, but you, without a doubt, know how to take care of yourself. You can be proud of that fact.

When a person is so frightened of something they may stop thinking, panic and make decisions that aren’t appropriate for the situation. Being so afraid of pain that you stop thinking can lead to longer pain. I am afraid, more than I can say, I’m afraid, but I’ve got my plan and I’m sticking to it.

Yesterday evening, not sure what time, my pain level started inching from the baseline 8 to a level 9. I can’t do a 9 and keep myself sane so I started to prepare for a long night. The first thing I did was put on the mix of Juniper essential oil, Rosemary essential oil and Lavender infusion. I went and got some complex carbs and backed it up with sugar; 2 pre-cut apple slices dipped in cashew butter with a dab of honey. I could feel my pain level drop within ten minutes of all this but that doesn’t mean anything, it could spike again.

After about 20 min and my pain level was at baseline I decided to do a foot bath of Espon Salt, baking soda and lavender infusion. I tossed in some fresh lavender, too. :-). Loved it.

Despite using Passion Flower for anxiety I’ve still struggled with it to the point that anxiety feels like it’s replaced my blood. All I’ve got running through my veins is anxiety. I have to remember that the steroid treatment will cause increased anxiety for me. I have the tools to ease that anxiety and I need to remember to take them. This is where falling into fear can get me in trouble. Freaking out means I don’t do anything but curl up in bed when there are steps I can take to help with some of the symptoms. Passion Flower tincture, candles, Klonapin, aromatherapy, heat therapy, weighted blanket, teas, on and on. These tools help me through bad times but they don’t cure it.

Jane has taken over the chairLast night I took Passion Flower and 2 Klonapin with seemingly no affect. The pain was manageable but going to sleep in silence was difficult. Silence in this place isn’t really silence because there’s a cat who uses her purr box quite often and then there are the male frogs calling for the female and there are crickets in their little keeper begging for freedom. Let us not forget how much my neighbor loves his wife and the sleep apnea issue of another. Sundrip is not exactly quiet. lol. However, when I go to bed anxiety rises and the tick of the clock along with nature calls isn’t enough to calm a body fresh off a strong steroid treatment. I need to hear a voice. It calms me.

I’ve got this old Generation 4 ipod with 32 gigs of space on it. It’s got a 6 something ISO without enough memory to update to a seven, but it’s still central to the Purple Pack I keep talking about. From day one the iPod has done a world of good in my healing process, holding my music, podcasts and movies.

As I was saying in the beginning, fear can stop a person from thinking and responding in a productive way. Fear of my skin understandably sucks me under, but I did finally remember to turn on a book and listen to the readers voice as it become part of what makes my home a peaceful place. I slept well.


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