I’ve just put the relationship with Betty and Snow side by side but there is no intention to villainize Betty. The objective was to answer Dr. D’s question, ‘what’s different about your relationship with Snow than with Betty?” Peer to peer communication and interacting on different levels. Trust. I latched on to the doting very quickly. Despite red flags I latched on to her spoiling me to death. However, I quickly began to resent the feeling of being smothered.
She wanted that fish tank gone! She wanted me to have a traditional dining room, one she was prepared to furnish. My curtains are not to her liking. These curtains are about 70 yrs old and are handmade. They are the perfect color of blue and have a ruffled edge. They need some mending but they aren’t going anywhere. I love my curtains.
Changing things at my home, buying bigger, better appliances and pretty much taking over stuff came to a head. I told her, this is mine, all of this is mine and you no longer have an opinion about it. You will not try to influence my ownership of pets, my plants, the color of my kitchen towels or anything at all. Your opinion is not welcome here is what I told her. It’s true that I can’t afford this apartment, that the rent is $515 of my $751 in Social Security. It’s a good thing I know how to have much and how to have little. I know how to manage my funds; my very materialistic mother taught me that early, early on.
I’ve poured myself a Cosmopolitan, light on the vodka. I’m sitting here trying for the third time to finish this entry but I’m a bit angry at what I’m reading. I also see a pattern. I grew up with a sadistic, controlling abuser. I married a man who will spend the rest of his life in prison because he is a sadistic abuser and murderer. I befriended and accepted the crumbs thrown my way by a controlling woman who may at times mean well, but has no clue what a boundary is. Despite a massive purge of negative influences I’ve got to manage the way in which I allow myself to be influenced. I also need to better voice concerns about feeling smothered before there’s little air left to breathe.
2-21-17 – 12:02 pm EST