I was awake until 9 am then got up and got ready for therapy. It reminded me of my college years where I had severe insomnia but I could get up, shower, get dressed, eat and be out of the house in a very short period of time.
It was an odd day. The weather is beautiful. On the way I talked to my cab driver who has been taking me for about a year now. I really like her. Today on our way to therapy we got rear ended. I was wearing my seat belt but I didn’t have on my back brace. It was quite a jarring we got. My pain level sky rocketed making me sway, swoon almost in this rocking, sea sick kind of way. I was trying to gather myself so I didn’t throw up. I needed to get my pain down very quickly so for the first time in about a month I took half a pain pill. It helped for a bit. I started doing small pelvic movements to get fluids in that area to ease the pain. The movement is so small, in the car it wasn’t obvious to the driver.
I got to therapy and began reading the journal entries to Dr. D about suicidal ideation. Again my pain skyrocketed. For the first time in his career and the first time in therapy I got on the floor and did a few yoga stretches to relieve my back. it helped a good bit. I kept my shoes off.
Even though it we talked about heavy stuff it didn’t feel overwhelming. He wanted to know about my suicidal thoughts and the situation with Betty. I told him she purchased stuff for the doll house but I declined. A few days ago she let me know she purchased a kitchen chair for me. I told her to keep it.
My pain kept spiking so we worked on a little something with art therapy. I opened my sketchbook and pictured the paper as my body. The four corners are limbs and the top is my head. With my eyes closed I was to draw my feelings of pain and anxiety in the location of my body as represented on paper. I closed my eyes and let the pen drift. When there was a twinge I’d changed the line structure. It might be a zig zag. Dark circles were severe anxiety or severe pain. My stomach and my head (on paper) showed the most anxiety. My ears filled with noise. I didn’t just make a map of my pain, I was able to recognize it and leave it on the paper. The photo included is from today’s session.
After the session I did a short nature walk and then came home in the cab. I’ve got to get some sleep. I started this entry a 4:15, it’s now 5:36 pm. I’ve got to sleep.
4:15pm EST 2/27/17