I’ve fallen behind on my studies. I’m struggling with French because I simply don’t like the language. We have a lot of people from French speaking African countries in this area. It’s just that I can’t seem to put my heart into it. I think maybe I need to understand that it’s not about me but about helping others and so my attitude about the language may need to be re-examined.

In a way it could be beautiful because its the language of my grandfather’s country.  I felt my head get dizzy when I said that.

I could have chosen a number of other languages. It’s funny, German has always, always been a language close to my heart. That too is a language in my family, on both sides. When I hear that language my heart wakes up yet, there is no true need in that field in my area. There are no German speaking individuals who have moved here seeking refuge from whatever they have suffered.

I have not immersed myself in the language, as a matter of a fact I’ve held back….an inner argument and struggle with the language……anger at it’s connections to my family. I really can’t explain it.

I have so many fears and hang ups it’s hard to and probably not even necessary to attempt to touch them all and turn them toward reason.

I need to find some French pop / indie songs I might like that I can get to know. I’m looking for a few French films that I know the English version of. French poetry written and read would be helpful. People can learn the language in courses but to “feel” it and “express” it I think one must really dive in. I do get practice with people who have French as their first language. I even get to toss a little around with a Haitian girl. I get practice, what I don’t have is love. I can’t move past the book stuff which is why I think I need the arts, something my soul can bite into – Music. Movies. Poetry.

As a note, if anyone reading knows of French singers or a movie they’d like to suggest please leave the link in the comment section. I only know of a few French singers. Just as a reference of the type of music I like…Sia is my favorite singer. I also like Birdy, Paulo Nutini. Lucia, Ben Howard, Matchbox Twenty, Train.

Me, Jordan

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