Right now I have Grace’s face in front of mine like a self portrait. Her eyes are even with mine. She looks me in the face with confidence I didn’t get to see grow. I don’t even know how much time has passed because time means nothing to me.
I think of Grace quite often. There were times I really needed her here to hold me and times I wish I could have been there to hold her. I didn’t realize her husband could persuade her to abandon me. After all the bonding she and I did, it took me by surprise that she would end our 16 year friendship if her abusive husband demanded it.
I know that Grace would have found a way to talk to me secretly but I already found it difficult being one of her secrets, I’d never consent to being pushed further back in her treasure chest labeled, “Nobody Knows”. Who wants to be closed up in a dark chest and pulled out only when the other person finds time to steal?
I felt very close to her. I felt like she actually understood how I think but she never understood how I felt about her because her self esteem was as low as my own.
Grace is more than a woman caught in the snare of domestic violence. She’s more than a survivor of unspeakable acts and she is greater than the sum of her losses.
Grace is creative, artistic and ivy league educated. She can tear up in the kitchen, too. We used to laugh all the time and talk about things I’ve never told anyone else, including my therapist. She and my therapist are the only ones outside of birth family that know my birth name. She is the only other person with the number of personalities I fractured into. She knew it all and I was okay with that. I loved talking to her about her family. She had some crazy kids though. lol. I used to laugh my head off at some of the stuff they pulled. When she first became a grandmother she was flipping out. Oh my goodness. I loved her family. Shoot, I got an invitation to her youngest daughters graduation even though I wasn’t going to be there. That was precious.
Wow, years of friendship will not be forgotten. The impact she had on my life won’t be erased by the difficulties we had. I remember Grace well and end this entry with a smile.