I am no longer a season ticket holder to this Nut Bowl.

I need to go back to checking the news every other week so I can regain focus. I am all but glued to three different news stations. I don’t need to know every crack in the world’s foundation. I already know the fabric is torn and isn’t going to get better. I certainly don’t need to watch each and every seam pop.

My therapy discussion and the words that follow are exactly why personal regrouping needs to take place.

In therapy today we talked about how horrible it is to see a man get away with saying the most hurtful and inflammatory things. He is destructive and vile with no consequences. His only purpose seems to be to cause upset and harm to others. He doesn’t have to worry about being stabbed or shot because of his words. He’s not concerned by the level of chaos and stress he causes to others. Did he seriously take out of context the words of the mayor and put it on Twitter? Did he seriously taunt gun violence advocates in the heat of the attack? Seriously? You thought that was covfefe?  I wish Twitter would close his account due to inflammatory speech! If you have any concern at all for the mental health of humanity, please close President Twitler’s account. At least he can’t, on a whim, incite hatred, violence, anxiety and drama.

I can’t believe there are groups who believe Trump is a ‘god send’ or say that ‘god can work through him,’ You have parked the delusional car and taken the crazy train.

Today I read there’s been another shooting in Orlando. I thought to myself, please don’t let the shooter be black! I can just hear it now, all the slurs, all the hate speech put on one group for what one man did. At a time like this I should not be over here hoping the guy is white so that other groups get a break from hate. That’s pitiful, but its the mind set one gets in when they know how much of a firestorm is ahead. The truth is, one man pulled the trigger and further changed the landscape of a fragile community.

I know for a certainty that propaganda in the media can and will influence individuals. I know that TV programs, podcasts, radio programs that focus on war and threat only throw fuel on the fire. If a person’s primary diet is violence and war, how can they be anything but harmed? We are what we eat and that includes visually and mentally. This is another reason why I need to gather myself and refocus my emotional and mental diet.

I feel too deeply and for too long to take the weight of terror and terror speech on my shoulders. I feel knocked over by blatant disregard for human life and happiness. I feel wounded watching other humans take punches or have their lives destroyed. I feel righteous indignation when people are given a platform and a free reign of terror on any land, any continent. I feel it full force. This has to stop or I won’t make it. I’ve seen myself take the crazy train trying to understand its passenger and conductor. I have to ask myself, do I need to understand senselessness and cruelty as it happens? I’m not just talking about President Twitler, I’m talking about all barbarians who have no respect for human kind or this earth. I’m talking about all individuals who dare threaten peace of mind for their selfish, short term gain. I don’t need to understand you. If someone else has the energy to figure you out, good for them, but this girl has no energy for that. It would burn me out so fast. My energy should be toward something positive, something upbuilding, supportive, kind!

I make a vow to myself to manage my energy more wisely and close out anyone who would have the nerve to hate others, kill others, inflame others for their selfish or misguided gain. I will not justify your behavior. I will not follow the course of others who try to rationalize insanity. If you fall under that umbrella, consider yourself closed.

4:00 pm EST

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