2017 Therapy and Life Upgrades


1. Speak to myself kindly
2. Begin the first steps in treating water phobia.

LIFE UPGRADES – continued from last year

1. Listen to hear instead of listen to respond. Monitor dogmatic expressions.
2. Continue volunteer work.

I get a D on dogmatic expressions and laying down the letter of the law. OMG I’m stubborn and opinionated. WOW!! Who knew it would be so hard to shut up and let others have an opinion, even when I know their opinion is obviously so far from reality that it crosses into insanity? It is not my job to lead people. I do not need to convince people that they have a stark divide from reality and that it gets on my last nerve to the point I want to bash them with a chair. OMG, where did all these stupid people come from? It’s like there was a whistle only stupid people could hear and they just all came out of the wood works. I now have a whistle phobia….AnyyWayyy.

I do not believe I should have a totally open mind because that means anything can get through. I should be the one to dictate what gets in and how open my mind should be. That is called free will. I know what my core belief system is. I will be open to many things but my foundation is not up for debate or assault.

I do not have a buffer so when conflict arises, my mouth starts going. I have to be more mild in speech and behavior toward others. I need a more mild spirit, one that isn’t easily provoked or agitated when others expression their free will.  I need to continue to think about how my words and actions will affect others immediately and long term. I have an obligation to be peaceful and peaceable which does not leave room for dogma. A mild word is powerful. Patience is powerful. Sometimes silence is called for, other times its flat out wrong. I’m looking for that balance.

I have been more kind to myself in writing and in my head. I write a lot about what goes on in this head of mine but sometimes I forget to write the encouraging comments that come from inside. I won’t make a distinction between my thoughts and the words of alter personalities because I don’t think it’s important in this case. I just know the words are kinder, less critical of failures and falls. I’ve somehow gotten to the point where I shake off ruminating over past mistakes before it gets too much of a hold. That’s an important step for me.

Due to grief over the death of my mother and brother, Dr. D and I are not working on water phobia issues. I do miss writing titles that start with ‘Waterlogged’ but I don’t miss the work one bit.

I’ve continued my volunteer work and was proud to be part of the international letter writing campaign expressing my personal views on Russia banning the worship of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I wrote to all six top individuals, including Vladimir Putin.

My perception of the world is blurred but I want to be useful. I am still useful.
My perception of the world is blurred but I want to be useful. I am still useful.

I’ve continued to work with ‘depressed souls’ through various communications including video conference, telephone conference, texting, letter writing and home visits. I have also been a recipient of this kind of support which has been invaluable to me.

Due to health reasons, I will not met my personal vow this year to my Creator. I’m not happy about it but, it is what it is. I’ve given my best though and love every minute of my service. In September I will change my vow to something I’m better able to manage.

I’m pleased to say I will meet my goal to finish reading the entire Bible by August 31st which means I will start over in Genesis, September 1st.

It has been another wonderful year of reading. Though I’m a gospels lover, outside of them my favorite book is Jeremiah. I love the intimacy between Jehovah and Jeremiah. The 13th chapter of Hebrews is ultra encouraging. In the inspired book of Job, he loses his mind over his physical illness and expresses it in a way that I relate very well. There are 4 individuals in the Bible who were so grieved they asked God to let them die. * Isaiah reminds me of how much Shakespeare stole from the Scriptures with impunity. If nothing else (and it is so much more), the book of Isaiah is beautiful literature, a must read.

I have to add that my view of the world, how I process stimulation, how I manage my day is all filtered through physical pain. I see and feel pain, then I see the beautiful sunset as it fades through cracks in the wall of pain. I see and feel pain, then I see patches of moss, the beautiful texture of tree bark, the curl of Burch wood. Everything filters through pain first. It is as if I see the world through glasses that aren’t mine. They are not rose colored, they’re blurry and they mirror pain I’m in or the emotional trauma of the chronic illness. Having chronic health issues and mental health problems affect how I interact with others. It affects my relationships for the negative but makes me good at my chosen profession to encourage others who live this way. Despite these obstacles, I strongly desire to press forward, to keep moving toward the goal of being the change I want to see in the world.


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