My therapist called around 7:30 pm yesterday evening. We talked for just a moment. I thought I would be able to fall back to sleep but I stayed awake until 3 am which meant I was hungry. I didn’t expect to keep anything down but I did.

Flashback. I had a flash in my head just now of being beaten with the dowel rod as a teen. This would have been somewhere between the 9th and 10th grade. I was lying flat on my stomach protecting my face and hands. Sometimes when she beat me like that and the pain got to mind breaking point, I’d ask for a break. I’d tell her I couldn’t take anymore and would roll facing up. She’d stop hitting and stand there with the dowel rod. I’m not good with time but I think I got less than 5 min before she needed to start again. She’d say, “Come on.” and motion for me to turn back over. I did.

In my present physical health situation, I do not get to ‘roll over’ and say I need a break. But when I get a reprieve my goal is to take advantage of every opportunity to supercharge.

Right now I feel like I’m transitioning between physical crisis and the return to my baseline of chronic illness. During this transition I intend to do a lot of shelving. I’ll deal with PTSD issues and chronic pain when I talk to my therapist next. Right now I need to take advantage of any time outside of physical crisis to rest emotionally. This evening I’ll call the conference system meeting thingamabob to listen to and be part of services. I’ll continue to trade texts and emails with friends when I am able. Then there’s Mary Jane who stays by my side no matter the risk. That’s loyalty right there!


5:30 pm EST/ July 13, 2017

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