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There was an elephant in the room the entire session. At the beginning of the session I noticed he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. I said, “You’re not wearing your ring.” He looked at his hand and said, “I forgot to put it on this morning.” My immediate reply was, “Is that true?” He said yes. I said, “You’re a different person when you’re married.” He said, “I’m still married.”
I fear I caught him in a lie which changes a lot for me. We’ll talk about it Monday over the phone. I hope he didn’t cheat on his wife. That’s what immediately came to mind. If he cheated on his wife it will be a huge, huge wound in our working relationship, huge. Cheaters are filth in my book. He is aware of that, too. I hate cheaters. They look you in the eye and lie to you and to everyone. They harm innocent people like the children. I hated being the daughter of a cheater. She and that man sat in front of his wife like nothing was happening. I hated them both for it.
I don’t have proof that Dr. D cheated but you know what? We’ve worked together long enough for me to know that he lied. He was aware that I knew his immediate response as a lie. Lying isn’t the same as cheating. I hate liars too.
Sometimes therapists say things that aren’t true to keep from giving too much information. Lying to me will break down the bridge of trust built. Some call them white lies and harmless but you know what? It’s easy enough to say, “I don’t like to share that kind of information……..” You don’t need to lie. How will I know when you’re lying to keep private information out of the sessions or lying because you’re a liar? How will I know when you’re telling me the truth? Liars and cheaters are dirt. I hate ’em. My mother filled those two roles very well.
The thing is, I knew there was trouble in his marriage because of his appearance. As I told him, “You’re a different person when you’re married.” As a doctor who has practiced psychotherapy for 25 years, that statement should have prompted questions, but it didn’t.
My disgust for cheaters was made clear when I entered a long term relationship. we understood one another, still, that seven year relationship ended in one day. I do not forgive cheating or cheaters.
There is a sense of violation of me if he came prancing into work without a ring on. He came in to the office just bouncing up the steps. I was in the car with Snow so Dr. D didn’t see me. I know for a fact that Dr D brings his lunch, so to see him prance up the stairs without a ring on his finger because he forgot to put it on that morning just didn’t fly with me.
If he cheated on his wife then came to the office and talked to me to help me through my life crap it would make him a hypocrite. It would be like he pretended to be honest and a good person who wouldn’t willingly trample on the emotions of others. Cheaters trample on the emotions of others. They rip apart the ability to trust, to connect, to bond because no one can fully bond to a lie. To cheat is to walk all over trust, so how can he come and talk to me about the most intimate things while he is knowingly hurting someone else who may later go to a therapist like him and talk about the violation of trust. How can a therapist knowingly hurt another person when he’s heard all these stories? It’s his job to know emotions and how people respond to hurt, why would he knowingly cause it? That is where I come in, if he can knowingly cause harm to another person then how can he be trusted with my most intimate details? How?
Again, I don’t know if he cheated or not. What I know is how I feel about cheating. I feel it because I lived as the daughter of a mistress. He was my mother’s kryptonite. She could conquer anything except a relationship with this man. He treated her like crap and she took it. She had her three kids sit at the table and act like everything was okay. She used us in her lie. Stupid woman!!! He was the only thing she couldn’t conquer but man was she good at destroying anything else. Stupid, stupid woman!!!!!