September 17th 2017 - why do I look so shocked? I still take photos on the 17th of each month then look at them all 12 at the end of the year…and in between. It helps me have a better understanding of what I really look like as opposed to what I think I look like.

I feel disgusting. I’m not looking for compliments, ok. I feel disgusting. I feel like a fat slob, ugly. Why? My weight it out of control. It’s out of control for many reasons, primarily steroids and other medications. 

I think the thing I’m most embarrassed about is the size of my chest. I swear I could be a wet nurse for a small country. My arms flab and look horrible. The other day at the funeral a lady held my arm as she spoke to me, then she went a little above the elbow holding it. Next thing you know she’s squishing the fat on my arm as she talked to me. I have no idea why she was squeezing me like that. It was the strangest thing. Who does that? Who talks to someone and squeezes their fatty arm? I can find better ways to self sooth ya know? Of course, we were at a funeral and it was hard…and hot….with more than 200 people there….it was so hot in there… Anyway, she was old when I was young which makes it a miracle for her to still be alive. I think she found the fountain of youth but she still drinks from the fountain of strange.

I figured the best time for me to get an exercise bike is around the time people start thinking of Christmas. I can put it in the layaway then. Christmas time is pretty much the only time you can put something in layaway around here.

MJ is hot, too. I will be very happy when it’s cooler. MJ came to visit me yesterday when I sketched in bed. She jumped up here and knocked into my paint pallet and spilled some purple on my sheet. I let her get away with it seeing as how she’s sick and all.

I decided to put a post written about my sister in private setting because I thought better of publicly saying those things. When I wrote it I was trying to cope but I didn’t think that through very well. I shouldn’t have put her stuff up here. I’ll be much more careful in the future. I’m truly sorry for doing that. Thank goodness she doesn’t know.

Tomorrow is going to be so fun. A few people from the congregation will be bartering and gifting, just because we can. I’m about to bring home some garden grown veggies and fruit traded for my tea mixes. So fun. One lady is going to show me how to do spinach all year around. I’d like that.

I found out I’ve got my golden pathos in the wrong lighting. Gotta go fix that situation. I’ve got starts to hand out tomorrow, a bunch. 🙂 I love bartering. It’s so fun.

Evening agenda: tea, sleep, studying, sleep some more.


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2 thoughts on “The 17th

  1. I know it doesn’t really matter what others say about your appearance but I’ll say anyway that you don’t look disgusting to me at all. You look about 12. You always have such a young look about you.

    As for the arm flab? I don’t know why she would squeeze it. Anyone touching mine is going to be sorry. A person can only take so much…and you know, my arm flab is much older than yours, so, it’s not real attractive. Thought I’d reach an age when I wouldn’t care and would wear sleeveless tops in the summer. Guess I’m not old enough yet.

    1. Twelve? I look twelve? I’m gonna let that go this time. lol.
      I’m doing three quarter sleeves (sigh) to hide it. I didn’t expect the miracle woman to be so enthralled by squishy stuff. I guess when you’re 300 but look 70, you’re easy to entertain.

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