I’m still awake. I can’t remember all I’ve done but I know I didn’t go to sleep after I got home. I made pizza and hung out with Mary Jane. I didn’t do anything with the new frog. He is here but I didn’t do anything but put him in his new home and then get to the rest of what I needed to do.
I had such a hard time with the idea of coming home because I knew it was a count down. It felt like if I didn’t come home I wouldn’t have to face this.
Dr. D and I talked about how things will change quite a bit without Jane.
I am going to be all over the map. I’m going to be ok one minute then falling apart the next. I’m going to talk about activities and focus on anything but the loss, then I’m going to talk about nothing but the loss. I’m going to let myself do the roller coaster emotional ride without hating myself for not handling things better. I know I’ll be all over the place for a while. I’m going to be out of my head, if I’m not already. I feel like if a speck of dust blows it’ll completely remove the barrier between me and insanity. I feel like I’m holding on tightly so I don’t go out of my mind.