I realized early on that I am attached emotionally to this painting and that I wish to keep it for myself. Knowing I’m color sensitive, I changed the bright colors to those I can hang on my wall and see regularly. I had to tone it down.
As I toned down bright colors, I decided to allow the turquoise hair to be wild, almost crazy. I put a layer of brown over the skin but other colors still come through. As I scratched along adding turquoise and dark orange instead of bright yellow and bright red, I caught of glimpse of this wild girl holding a violin. And that’s the moment the painting changed from emotion I could handle to a complete stand still.
I put a quick expressive violin in her hands and put white and turquoise light off the bow, then I stopped painting. I didn’t expect the violin. I didn’t intend to walk into an emotional minefield with grief for my brother’s suicide fueling the explosion. I stopped all work on it and framed it so I can look at it and measure my steps.
It’s safe to say there’s a lot of anxiety and fear of being overwhelmed by grief. I like the painting so far but I’m going to leave it for a bit, gather my thoughts and return to it when I’m feeling stronger.