According to my sketchbook, I’ve had unrelenting anxiety for a little over a month. It’s really getting to me. These two art pieces were worked on to help ease things.
The piece cluster shows a checkered flag, a flag used to signify winning the race. I don’t feel like I’m winning this battle at all.
Visitation is currently in black and white. It’s a mindscape piece such as those in the series called Forty Years in the Wilderness. A mindscape is a snapshot of the inside of my head. Sometimes the images are livable, manageable, other times … not so much.
Tomorrow at 1:30 I go in to see Dr. D. I nearly canceled it because I’m having a hard time sitting. My sciatic nerve is acting up. I’ve done a lot of stretching to get it to ease up. I’ve taken the new medications, especially the muscle relaxer, but its not budging. I think we’re going on three weeks now with this nerve constantly throbbing. It adds to the anxiety. It’s like a dull ache, the kind that drives you crazy. It may not be the most painful thing in the world but it, like my anxiety, is unrelenting and that’s what makes it so hard to deal with, it just doesn’t stop.
I’m going to take Clyde out one more time then go to sleep. I’m so happy he’s here. I love that he wants to be close by me. I need that. His ears are so soft. He’s adorable.
I miss Mary Jane and hate that she died.