Worry and anxiety. Life as I know it.

I’ve slept most of this day. I just couldn’t wake up. The time awake hasn’t been pleasant. I feel depressed about finances, worried a bit…..a lot. I think that’s my anxiety right now, finances. I’m trying not to worry, trying not to let it fill my head but it does.

Tomorrow I’m going to pick up some stuffing so I can finish up some dolls I’ve been sewing. A couple are for sale, a couple are for donation. I was thinking, since art is slow going right now, maybe I should focus on dolls more. There’s currently one art doll in my Etsy shop. 

After everything is paid so as not to get turned off right now, I’ll be left with $15 until the 3rd of next month, February. I’ve got medication, the dog has what he needs in every way and I’ll have sustenance and covering. I’ve got medication and toiletries. I’ll need to purchase crickets for the two frogs I’ve got and I’ll need quarters for laundry money. I’m still giving my $1 a month donation to the rebuilding of Puerto Rico and other areas devastated by natural disasters.

I didn’t take a vow of poverty but it seems to have attached itself to me.

So that’s what’s on my mind, bills. Honestly, this makes me cry. This level of being broke on a regular basis makes me anxious. Though I’ve paid the minimum amount, the internet is at threat of being turned off. I’ve got to catch up on that or the only access I’ll have to this blog and the net is via my telephone. My tablet will be off line and this laptop will be off line. Had this taken place a month ago it would have been disastrous, making it impossible to study. There will be a lot of reading to do this winter but no classes. I’m going to have to download some games and a bunch of movies and such off www.JW.org so I can have something to do if my net gets turned off. It gets very quiet in here.

I’m shutting up now. I think I’ll have some chamomile tea and go to sleep….again. At least my head is less full having complained a bit.

Oh yeah, today’s tea time included homemade spiced chocolates and orange blossom tea. I had the ingredients to make the chocolates, so I did. I’ll have food stamps on the 5th and get myself some bananas, which I’ve been craving for days. Can’t wait for grocery store day. I laugh at myself at how much is done homemade here. I do everything from homemade wine, my own teas, homemade ginger ail, sodas and goodies. Good thing I know how to do it. Culinary School in the 90’s gave me the background, YouTube has given me refresher courses. No complaints about having enough good food to eat and great drinks to wash it all down. In that way my table is full.

I know I was just very open about the struggles of poverty which can sometimes be a bit uncomfortable to read. But this blog is meant to be honest in all respects. It’ll touch on everything from my mental health to physical health and daily life in general. Finances are part of that. Me being on government assistance due to my mental health is not a shameful thing. It is a fact of my life and the lives of many others.  We’re people, just regular people like everyone else. Just because I talk about it doesn’t mean I’m asking for it to be fixed. I’ll talk about poverty and government assistance the same as talking about perimenopause, sexual abuse, spiritual abuse and art. If it has to do with life as I know it, it’ll show up on Sundrip – Art for Life.


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