Depression is a liarMy hormonal depression drags me around like a mop head picking up dirty and left over grime. I can’t get off the floor.

Depression is a liar. Depression tells me that people who care don’t love me at all. It tells me I hate them for letting me down when in fact they really haven’t. I’m angry with people who love me and its fueled by depression. It’s a lie that it won’t matter if I’m dead, or it’ll be a relief because they can get on with their own problems instead of dealing with me all the time. 

Depression tells me I’m worthless and stupid, that I can’t do the things I used to do, like paint. Depression sits on both shoulders like a little demon and whispers in my ears, “You’re worthless. You’re a burden. You’re better off dead.”

Depression is a liar. It tells me I’m a dirty slob unable to complete a single task because I’m incompetent. It tells me I’m insignificant and what I try to offer to the world is of little consequence. Depression is lying when it says I have no reason to continue, that I should quit.

I have a good number of friends who love me very much. I may not be able to touch that truth right now but it’s still truth. I have reasons to continue living. I have every reason to believe that this depression will lift and I’ll get back to my non-hormonal self. I can’t feel that truth right now. It feels so far away but it is the truth. This is going to pass in about a week. I don’t need to think about anything other than what this really is, hormonal fueled depression, perimenopause.

I’ve been mapping out days and scoring symptoms so that I can see the pattern and know about when I’m going to cycle into this depression. It started about a week early but the symptoms are right on point. There’s no mistaking what this is which tells me to wait it out, don’t give up and don’t listen to lies depression tells.

7:10am EST

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2 thoughts on “Depression is a liar

  1. I have to agree, depression is a big fat liar. For instance, when it tells you that your life is of no worth to anyone….what a crock. If it hadn’t been for you over ten year ago, I wouldn’t have had the courage to continue with my new DID blog. You encouraged my faltering efforts to share my truth with the world. It was a kindness that you may have been unaware of at the time, but it meant everything to me. Over the years your humor and honesty and creativity nurtured me in ways that I very much needed.

    I’m glad to know that you see this depression for what it is. I’m glad to know that you realize it WILL pass. And see how what goes around comes around? You encouraged me when I most needed it and now I am able to encourage you!

    Hang in there, the best is yet to be…

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.

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