A man kept a house with several women tied up with chains. Some he broke so that they didn’t try to run. He kept a lion that he fed live humans. It was the largest beast I’d ever seen.
I and another woman were caught as prey. We were in a container waiting to be eaten but I saw a way out and took it. As I escaped the grounds, the Master of the house attempted to stop me. He was furious that I tried to get away. How dare I get so far away from his traps, from his control. He was angry, offended and really wanted to the mastery over me, to throw me to the lion. I was getting away until the Mistress of the house emerged and demanded I return inside. She told me I had to go inside, I had to listen to her. The Master couldn’t believe his fortune, that I’d escape the property only to willingly return at the voice of a dominate woman. He was so excited he could hardly contain himself. I woke before reentering the house.
Dr D and I discussed the dream in session today. We talked about how it feels like the Mistress is more my situation than a specific person. The Lion is the beast I face. I’m not always strong so I’m the broken woman who won’t run, the new captive not yet broken and the spirit that’ll find a way out. But when it’s all said and done, I still have to face the Lion in yet another surgery. I’m torn and will be torn more. Parts of me are gone that I can’t get back no matter who I out smart or out run.
Today I was being transferred from a wheelchair to the bed. As I was transitioning they needed to pause. I lay on the bed unable to help with my legs. Vulnerable isn’t an accurate description. It’s frightening to feel helpless like that. I laid there until they picked up both legs and put me in bed.
There is no word yet as to if I’ll get feeling back so that I walk again. While there have been major improvements daily – sitting up, getting in the wheelchair, eating in the cafeteria – I still can’t feel from the knees to hip. On a positive note, my kidneys are recovering in a way they were not expected to. I’m happy for that cause I need those things.
My white cell hovers at 10, red at 2.6. Hemaglobin stays around 7.1 which is low. Platelets went from 11 to 16, 22, 44 and then up, up to between 155-190. The hematoma on both thighs is healing. I’m not bleeding anywhere anymore. I have no boils. Those have been reabsorbed or medically managed. Oxygen runs 100%, resting heart 92-107, general BP is low. No fluids at this time.
Today I ordered a few art supplies from my Amazon wish list. I need to get started painting again. I got a small watercolor set and brushes as a starter. They’re easy to handle and easy to store. I like my bedside table bc it’ll lend itself well as an easel. The table at the hospital was useless but this one works quite well.