It’s been weeks since I required assistance getting in bed. It was a vulnerable, helpless feeling not being able to move. But now I can use the wheelchair so I have a measure of independence. Even if I’m in bed for the night, I want the wheelchair within my reach. My anxiety level goes really […]
Month: April 2018
Categories
Battling Fear
I’ve withdrawn from friends as I battle depression and discouragement. I’m easily irritated and annoyed. I’m anxious and generally uncomfortable and unhappy. However, I’m working hard to manage these feelings so I can stay on the road to recovery. There isn’t just one thing I can point to and say, This is the problem. It’s […]
Its your voice I’m listening for The gentle tone that brushes against the walls of my mind Sweeping away conclusions drawn And patterns formed When I was left on my own Inside my head, Behind this desperate divide. It’s your voice my heart yearns to hear Tuned to deep vibrations that spell out promises you […]
Here’s a shot of my frog infuser and plants in the window in my room. After physical therapy I retreat to the plant and tea spot for a little quiet time. I look forward to seeing these get bigger. My hope is to add a peace lilly to the group, then I’ll be finished with […]
Categories
Standing Up
Today in physical therapy I stood up on my left leg. I wasn’t happy or excited. I was incomplete. What I want is to put my off brand Converse tennis shoes on BOTH feet, grab my cup of Earl Gray and walk back into the life I had. That is complete, that is what I […]
Dear Head, We aren’t friends today. Your behavior has divided us, putting a rift and a scar in an already shakey relationship. At this very second I can’t tell the world all you’ve done because my body is attacking me with the strongest sleep spell I’ve ever felt. This half awake, druling, snoring, head bobbing, […]
My wounds aren’t pretty. At one time I saw huge boils on my feet and ankles. I saw my feet turn black and the skin slip off. I saw my toes painted with medicine that turned them reddish-brown and intensified the horror. And yet there is beauty in it all. How can there be beauty […]
Categories
Fear
I feel fear more than anything else. I’m afraid of the pain, afraid of vulnerability, helplessness and being left alone for long periods of time. I fear what I can’t do such a get up on my own. Every time they put the wheelchair beside the bed and have me sit to get in it, […]
I asked the physical therapist how I’ll learn to walk if I can’t feel my legs. He said I’d be taught to walk in front of a mirror so I can see my legs and make the mental connection to move them. He went all over the legs and said the correct muscles work and […]