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Art I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

The Mighty Chair

It’s been weeks since I required assistance getting in bed. It was a vulnerable, helpless feeling not being able to move. But now I can use the wheelchair so I have a measure of independence. Even if I’m in bed for the night, I want the wheelchair within my reach. My anxiety level goes really […]

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Art

Battling Fear

I’ve withdrawn from friends as I battle depression and discouragement. I’m easily irritated and annoyed. I’m anxious and generally uncomfortable and unhappy. However, I’m working hard to manage these feelings so I can stay on the road to recovery. There isn’t just one thing I can point to and say, This is the problem. It’s […]

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Art therapy Chronic Pain Creative Writing I'm only human POETRY The People Behind My Eyes

Listen

Its your voice I’m listening for The gentle tone that brushes against the walls of my mind Sweeping away conclusions drawn And patterns formed When I was left on my own Inside my head, Behind this desperate divide. It’s your voice my heart yearns to hear Tuned to deep vibrations that spell out promises you […]

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The People Behind My Eyes

Plants and froggy tea infuser

Here’s a shot of my frog infuser and plants in the window in my room. After physical therapy I retreat to the plant and tea spot for a little quiet time. I look forward to seeing these get bigger. My hope is to add a peace lilly to the group, then I’ll be finished with […]

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I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Standing Up

Today in physical therapy I stood up on my left leg. I wasn’t happy or excited. I was incomplete. What I want is to put my off brand Converse tennis shoes on BOTH feet, grab my cup of Earl Gray and walk back into the life I had. That is complete, that is what I […]

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Life is like a box of Lupus Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes

Dear Head

Dear Head, We aren’t friends today. Your behavior has divided us, putting a rift and a scar in an already shakey relationship. At this very second I can’t tell the world all you’ve done because my body is attacking me with the strongest sleep spell I’ve ever felt. This half awake, druling, snoring, head bobbing, […]

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Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Wonderfully made. It’s complicated.

My wounds aren’t pretty. At one time I saw huge boils on my feet and ankles. I saw my feet turn black and the skin slip off. I saw my toes painted with medicine that turned them reddish-brown and intensified the horror. And yet there is beauty in it all. How can there be beauty […]

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Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Fear

I feel fear more than anything else. I’m afraid of the pain, afraid of vulnerability, helplessness and being left alone for long periods of time. I fear what I can’t do such a get up on my own. Every time they put the wheelchair beside the bed and have me sit to get in it, […]

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I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes Women

The Hemoglobin Nightmare

I asked the physical therapist how I’ll learn to walk if I can’t feel my legs. He said I’d be taught to walk in front of a mirror so I can see my legs and make the mental connection to move them. He went all over the legs and said the correct muscles work and […]