Today in physical therapy I stood up on my left leg. I wasn’t happy or excited. I was incomplete.
What I want is to put my off brand Converse tennis shoes on BOTH feet, grab my cup of Earl Gray and walk back into the life I had. That is complete, that is what I want.
I also want it to be untrue that it would take 2 years to walk again.
I’m sorry that I’m not all thrilled that I stood up. I do feel appreciative for what was done for me and what is being done. It’s not that at all. I’m grateful, but I’m also saddened by the loss. What time has there been to take in just how devastating the last few months have been? I’ve been counting my blessings because I narrowly lived, because I beat amazing odds. But I have not really digested much else. Now that the dust is settling I feel the weight of loss. That weight is heavy whether I stand on one leg or lay here punching letters on the screen. The loss is substantial, and it hurts.