Saturday at 2pm I’ll move to the new place. I’m excited but I won’t have the internet for a few days. In the few days off line I hope to set up my art table and supplies. I need to see my belongings again. It’ll mean a lot to see my stuff. It’s hard to explain why I look forward to seeing gadgets and odds and ends, but I do. Part of the things that were thrown away for various reasons, were all of my bound books, including my Shakespeare collection, Maya Angelou book and poetry collections as well as my cookbooks, some of which I had for 20 years.
They say ‘things’ can be replaced but they forget to add that we will mourn these ‘things’ for awhile. All my dried flowers, including sunflowers were tossed by the person who cleaned out my apartment while I was down. Every dried rose I have is gone. It hurts. I have every last one of my dolls and every single piece of jewelry, every leaf of tea and every single piece of artwork and art supplies. Those items are sacred. I feel like my poetry collection fell in the category of sacred, but l wasn’t there to say so.
For now I’ll only have 2 pets with me. I’ll have a Betta fish and my pet snails. I don’t get my dog back. He’s with my friend where he was fostered during the hospital stay. I am not healthy enough to care for a dog. This makes me very sad but it’s necessary.
The 24th I go in to see Dr D at his office. It’ll be the first time in six months that I’ve seen him. I’m bringing the two art journals I filled while in the hospital. I had few supplies but what I had was good, so I journaled until I was blue in the face.
The 28th I turn 47 and get my prosthesis. I kept my word to myself and purchased a pair of Converse, this time authentic instead of knock offs. So, my new foot will have a new shoe as well. The doc suggested I wear high tops which doesn’t make me sad at all. I like high top Converse. That’s what I bought.
I’m having a lot of neuropathy pain in my right “foot”…nub..the right side, however you want to describe it. I’m having nerve pain. It’s old! It’s consuming! I had to cancel physical therapy today because the nurse said I’m overextended. Right now it’s difficult to put pressure on it which means getting up is difficult.
The first thing I’m going to do in the new place is paint for
The Surgeon. His second piece is in my head (actually, sitting on my heart). I need the relief and release of putting in on canvas. There’s emotional urgency, fervor, foaming. I’ve been caught off guard by the intensity of the need to release what is in my head and on my heart.