Robert was going to allow the CNA from Zambia to return for a set period of time to see if we could overcome our fears, however, an opportunity to speak arose and we took it. I’m relieved to say that the woman who triggers us will not be returning.
It was difficult to tell them she can’t come back because it feels like a failure on my part. But yet again, I can’t get over it. I was beating myself up with guilt. It feels bad that I need yet another accommodation bc of my PTSD, but not as bad as letting her come here.
I have a new CNA that I totally love but I don’t yet trust that I’ll get to keep her. It seems like the ones I like can only fill in for a few days. Right now she’s in the hospital with a heart condition! I hope she’s ok.
I see Dr D in his office this Friday. Hopefully my new CNA will be able to take me twice a month. That is my hope. All the other appointments will be over the phone still.
So far it’s been fine having the medical staff here so much. They’re here 9am to 3pm daily. At first that worried me bc I need so much sleep and alone time, but so far it’s been ok.
I’m allowing myself to paint at will without expectations. That can be difficult for me bc I tend to pressure myself. But I’m allowing myself some fun in the evenings after the CNA leaves. I’m even getting an itch to sew again. ðŸ˜Š I’ve got a bag holder doll to work on. I’ve been finishing up old projects, too.