I yelled at someone today. I was frazzled and shaken by recent events. She applied a tiny bit of pressure and off I went. I must have looked crazy bc after I started talking to my regular CNA and burst into tears! Right now I feel like I have to be very careful about what […]
Content: Anxiety. No self harm. Fill in CNA’s friend committed suicide. Regular CNA troubles. The day has been mostly good but with a lot of anxiety. We seemed to manage it better though. There was an instance when we wanted to cut but Michelle said rather quietly, “May I have some lavender?” We promptly put […]
I slept a lot and read a lot, slept more and read more. That’s all I’ve done. My neighbor has been quiet the whole time! When I say I slept, I mean I slept hard, drooling and all on these lavender scented pillows. I added oil to them. It’s a beautiful scent. It’s been a […]
As one can imagine, last night was rather rough. I believe I came to a pass where I refused to accept anymore stress that eats me up and spits me out. Depression flattens me on my back, anger makes me get up and move. Last night I got up and moved. I moved past the […]
I’ve been struggling so much with anxiety associated with flashbacks and memories. Lately my dreams have been horrible. Everything from rape to my sister being stabbed violently over and over again. There have been medical flashbacks, too, where I wake and think I’m in the hospital still. Last Wednesday there was self harm, which my […]
I feel uprooted. Everything is different. My home is great but I’ve not laid down roots here. Most of my possessions are new because the old got thrown out. The only photo of my father that I had was thrown away accidentally. It is gone forever and it hurts. My dishes, terrariums, plants, shoes, bed, […]
Thirteen years I walked past my therapist’s Christmas Cactus and never thought to ask for a start until now. The three spider plant starts from the surgeon are growing like weeds. They were so tiny when I got them. I snagged a start from the hospital’s bed of pathos. It’s being rooted in the fish […]
I woke in the fetal position and quickly stretched out of it. That position makes me go deeper into myself which can hurt more emotionally. I’m anxious, in pain again and swollen. I know these are normal cymbalta withdrawal symptoms, so I try not to let it get to me too much but, I’m so […]
Introducing my common garden snail pets aka Helix Aspersa. I’m thrilled to death to have these snails and have set up a temporary home for them. Their new home should be here next week. These adult snails are larger than a quarter and can live up to 5 years, however, one snail seems weak and […]
Today is one of those days where I feel the weight of what happened in the hospital. I feel shocked, stunned, grieved. I can only describe it as a train wreck where I can still hear the sound of metal crumbling around me. What I feel today must be what I was feeling when I […]