I yelled at someone today. I was frazzled and shaken by recent events. She applied a tiny bit of pressure and off I went. I must have looked crazy bc after I started talking to my regular CNA and burst into tears!
Right now I feel like I have to be very careful about what I do bc I’m raw. I’m more upset about my grandmother’s death than I realized. It seems I have less emotional control right after I wake from dreams. Dreams are influenced right now by her death and by my neighbor’s mental illness that has spilled over to other residents. The screaming is that of a horror show! So, when I awaken from whatever nightmare, I’m more likely to show my own mental health issues and humanity.
Last night in the dream I protected myself verbally from physical assault by the aunt w Leukemia. I reminded her that I am an adult and she will not put her hands on me. It was at “the house”, the one that should be razed to the ground.
I’ve taken night meds and feel sleepy. I’ve also got Bernhardt who smells of lavender. I should get enough sleep this evening. Let’s hope for quality sleep, too.
Oh yeah. I remembered something I used to have that I definitely need to replace. I used to burn candles all the time! For security reasons I need some but for the flicker and calm, I gotta have it. It’ll be payday soon and I’ll narrow down what I want to buy lol Right now I’m like, I want. I want. I want. I’ll narrow my list and we’ll see.