Content : Suicide discussion. Physical updates. Flashbacks of abuse. Abuse.
The nurse will be here tomorrow. I’ve fallen 3x in a week so things are a bit messy right now.
I’ve been told I pushed too hard, tried to do too much.
I’ll see Dr D tomorrow as well. He is concerned about what he calls hallucinations and what I refer to as body memories. This is the second time he’s asked if I’m suicidal and the second time I’ve told him no. The more suicides I hear about the further away from a possibility it is for me. George Foreman’s daughter and 3 survivors of school shootings recently took their lives! It hurts and reminds me of my brother’s suicide. How could I make the decision to kill myself, knowing what I now know? Years ago it was an option but not now. Not now.
During flashbacks I smell blood and urine. I can feel her hitting me. I can smell her parfume. My stomach cramps and I vomit.
I’m feeling a bit down right now. A little lonely, too.
I should mention, I like my new CNA a lot. She’s on time, works and drinks tea with me in the morning. The funny thing is, there are a few teas that are just for me. I don’t share them. I finally got tea in the mail from Uganda. It’s awesome and just mine. I have Japanese Orchid tea that is exclusive as well. Most teas I’ll readily share but some are saved just for me.
Jordan
2 replies on “Woes”
Which tea which is the tea you got from Uganda? I recently got a Lady Lavender that I’m in love with and in what is probably a first, a fruit tea I like, Mango Tango.
Dr. D calling them hallucinations makes me wonder what makes this not a flashback in his eyes. As it relates to your past abuse and you have somatic stuff going on with it, I would classify it as you do, a flashback.
I’m so glad you have a CNA that you like, that is huge.
The Uganda tea is a black tea from the southern part of Uganda and from the Kayonza Growers Tea Factory.
Lady Lavender? Sounds wonderful. I still have a bit of Chamomile Bloom you sent me. I refuse to share it. Lol So far the CNA and I have had 10 of my 65 countries. I love sharing tea with people.
I’m totally looking forward to Cairo coming!
I’ve been keeping the postage from overseas, too.