Content : Suicide discussion. Physical updates. Flashbacks of abuse. Abuse.
The nurse will be here tomorrow. I've fallen 3x in a week so things are a bit messy right now.
I've been told I pushed too hard, tried to do too much.
I'll see Dr D tomorrow as well. He is concerned about what he calls hallucinations and what I refer to as body memories. This is the second time he's asked if I'm suicidal and the second time I've told him no. The more suicides I hear about the further away from a possibility it is for me. George Foreman's daughter and 3 survivors of school shootings recently took their lives! It hurts and reminds me of my brother's suicide. How could I make the decision to kill myself, knowing what I now know? Years ago it was an option but not now. Not now.
During flashbacks I smell blood and urine. I can feel her hitting me. I can smell her parfume. My stomach cramps and I vomit.
I'm feeling a bit down right now. A little lonely, too.
I should mention, I like my new CNA a lot. She's on time, works and drinks tea with me in the morning. The funny thing is, there are a few teas that are just for me. I don't share them. I finally got tea in the mail from Uganda. It's awesome and just mine. I have Japanese Orchid tea that is exclusive as well. Most teas I'll readily share but some are saved just for me.
Jordan
Which tea which is the tea you got from Uganda? I recently got a Lady Lavender that I’m in love with and in what is probably a first, a fruit tea I like, Mango Tango.
Dr. D calling them hallucinations makes me wonder what makes this not a flashback in his eyes. As it relates to your past abuse and you have somatic stuff going on with it, I would classify it as you do, a flashback.
I’m so glad you have a CNA that you like, that is huge.
The Uganda tea is a black tea from the southern part of Uganda and from the Kayonza Growers Tea Factory.
Lady Lavender? Sounds wonderful. I still have a bit of Chamomile Bloom you sent me. I refuse to share it. Lol So far the CNA and I have had 10 of my 65 countries. I love sharing tea with people.
I'm totally looking forward to Cairo coming!
I've been keeping the postage from overseas, too.