Skip to content

Feeling Clean. PTSD. Colors.

I have a hard time believing, after all these years, that I still don't feel clean. It's been so long but I still try to wash off yesterday in the shower. I still need to get all the past off my body where it lays decaying me. After all these years, I just can't fully get over the abuses suffered as a child. As discussed in my session earlier today, spiritual abuse made a bigger impact than once thought.

We also talked about getting a new prosthetic designed for me by a new office. It's to be a lot better than the so-called one I have now.

While at the new Podiatrist's office, I had somewhat of a shocking comment by one of the nurses. She suggested that my surgeon didn't take enough of the foot and that is why I have the ulcer. The doctor said nothing of the sort. It was only her. She said that when they do the surgery they take what my surgeon left behind. I was shocked and disturbed so there wasn't a reply or inquiry, but I will ask when I return the 26th of this month.

Flowered Amputation Art

The art piece includes geometric shapes once created when I was totally closed up and unable to risk or express much through art. The shapes swallow a figure with an amputated foot with a flower in its place. The piece is in watercolor and black ink.

The figure, me, has half of the face with black which is decayed and scarred skin. The scars are black like those on my foot areas from the blisters caused by the blood clots. It feels like people can see my scars even if the scar is emotional. I can cover the physical scars with socks and you can't tell what I went through. But it feels like I wear other scars on my face for the world to see.

Looming flower SUNDRIP

Flowers represent emotion too big and scrambled for words too heavy to manage. When the flower looms over the figure it represents feeling overwhelmed and drowning in anxiety.

I purposely used pink on her shirt instead of red, which is the color I choose for myself in drawings. There's a reclaiming process going on right now of yellow and pink. I hate yellow but love pink, yet I associate them both with an unsafe youth. I'd like to reclaim those colors. The first step or transformation, will be to use them more in art in specific ways.

Purple and yellow butterfly transformation

Faith

2 thoughts on “Feeling Clean. PTSD. Colors.

Leave a Reply to Q (formerly known as Quemada) Cancel reply

%d bloggers like this: