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Art

Curl up

Part of me just wants to curl up in bed and do nothing. I just want to get in a little ball and sleep. There’s stuff to be done but I sure don’t want to move from this spot. Tomorrow is therapy. I wish I was going in instead of talking to him on the […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Abstract Art Lupus Originals Paintings Paper PTSD Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes

What if?

All “what if” roads lead to nowhere.  I decided to draw a little line drawing with my funky triple lead colored pencils to depict all those “what if” roads I’ve been going down. It’s not a great photo but the idea is there. It’s a drawing of roads going everywhere, fast. What if I die […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Show of Strength

The problem with being told I’m strong is that it seems to give onlookers permission to let me be, do little, and go on as usual. I hate being told I’m strong because of all the hidden messages with it. My doctor and I had conversation where I was asked if I really wanted to […]

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Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

CNA – Rude. Ignored. Behavioral Issues.

(smh) What do you do with people sometimes? I wonder if she’s truly oblivious to the message she’s sending or if she’s aware and having additude issues. My CNA is sitting in the chair with her radio on w both earbuds in. She’s either watching a movie and making comments about the movie or she’s […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Sunflowers for the Weary

A friend of mine came over and brought fried chicken and a bouquet of sunflowers. It was too sweet. We sat and talked while I ate. I was hesitant to talk about health stuff because I didn’t want to depress her. It was a very nice visit though. Yesterday after I blogged, I went ahead […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The Same Road

I saw the surgeon today. He didn’t smile much at first. I always try to read him when I go in. I asked if he had bad news. I said, am I going to have to do that fight again, another excruciating, painful time? He said yes. I said, you could have given that news […]

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Art

Back to CBD

I’ve been so sick that I’ve not been eating much. I’ve wasted a lot of food because I was in too much pain and didn’t want eat, and it spoiled. So I made a decision, take the wasted grocery money and buy CBD oil again. I hadn’t been able to afford it at $50 for […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Shoes and Pride

I went to the store today to purchase cat food for Joseph when I decided to stop by the shoe section to see if I could find something I like. It was suggested by friends and my nurse that I try buying 2 different sizes, one for the full foot, one size for the amputated […]