A friend of mine came over and brought fried chicken and a bouquet of sunflowers. It was too sweet. We sat and talked while I ate. I was hesitant to talk about health stuff because I didn’t want to depress her. It was a very nice visit though.

Yesterday after I blogged, I went ahead and took a nap then put on an encouraging 3 part movie. I watched 2 parts of it. My goal is to find something encouraging to do when I get medical news that’s upsetting. I have to accept what comes but I can also influence my attitude by feeding my head positive things; reading, movies, art and whatever else gives me encouragement. I think it’ll help, so will visitors.

I hope my friends will understand how fragile I feel. My strength is flimsy but I’m working hard to keep it. However, I feel like it would take very little to move from appearing fine to showing that I’m not ok. I feel all over the place.

I have confidence in my Vascular Surgeon and my Hematologist / Oncologist. I have confidence that my therapist will be available to me just as he was when I was in the hospital. I am sure my friends, as helpless as they feel, will be just as helpful as they have been. A text, an email, a hug, it counts when nothing else can be done. It means a lot to me. I’m not doing this alone, not by a long shot. It makes it easier, ya know?

I have a beautiful boutique of sunflowers close to my bed. They’re lovely. So despite my worries, despite feeling all over the place, I can add sunflowers to my list of things that made me smile today.

Jordan

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