I hardly ever do this anymore. It’s been months since I turned on music for myself. Music is emotional for me, anxiety provoking. I feel so deeply with it that it’s often uncomfortable. But this time I turned it on, lay on the bed and took it all in.

I don’t know. It seems significant and noteworthy that I sought out noise in the form of music and that I was so relaxed by it that I decided to toss some oils in my diffuser and take a nice, long shower. What a nice day.

I’m going to go ahead and turn on a little more Birdy, Train, Sia and groups like this so I can listen while I finish up a nice dinner.

I just thought of something. My home is back to being peaceful because I have a CNA that doesn’t bring in drama and anxiety. This leaves room for the emotional weight of music and other things. To put it another way: dealing with those other CNAs cost me spoons. This CNA does not which means I’ve got extra spoons to spend. I like that.

Also noteworthy is the lack of medical trauma going on right now. This gives me a lot more moments of inner peace than when I ran back and forth to medical appointments.

The slowing of drama and trauma has allowed me to use my time for self healing. I hope to see more of this.


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