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Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

You don’t look sick

I get that a lot. As a matter of fact, the new CNA, the one I like quite a bit, said I look like I could get out of the chair and start walking. She said I look perfectly healthy.

I’m beginning to be ok with such nonsense. I can’t get upset with people for not seeing an invisible illness. You don’t see Lupus until you’re lying in the hospital half dead then people are like, I didn’t know you were that sick…. Man, I told you I was! Argh! But again, how do you fault someone new for not knowing what to look for?

Most people can’t see past the nose on their face. Even when shown they still may not see, but it does not change the truth. I have come to the point where I don’t require people to see the truth about my conditions. If I look healthy and that’s all they can see, despite explaining, then so be it. I’m good with it.

You don’t look sick

Yes, my current CNA feels like she can cure me with prayer. It’s a belief she can keep, however, after new developments in would appear that I’m staying with the old company a little longer. The new company stood me up twice. The owner stood me up and so did a CNA, so I said no go for them.

Despite the new CNA, who we will call Goldy from here on out, and her struggles with reality about healing, she is wonderful! I mean wonderful! All my CNAs have to have one quark or another and she has hers, but I can live with it. She’s not a stripper like another CNA was. She’s not on drugs, not dating a drug dealer, not blind, not mean or cruel and doesn’t treat me like her therapist. She’s like one of the three bears, not too hot, not too crazy, just right…. So, after the new company stood me up twice, I’m going to sit for a bit w Goldy and enjoy my time with her. Honestly, it feels right.

Last but not least. I am planning a painting on the back of my wheelchair. It’s of a sunflower with the Scripture that says, “Walk by faith, not by sight.”

Faith

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.